How you remind me

You remind me of the beginning of my rebellious phase and the hours I spent fighting my parents, screaming that I was going to stay with you no matter how much they hated the thought of us being together.

Driving to our high school football field the first night we met, in the dead of night, just because.

Smiling until my face was sore and laughing until my stomach ached.

The movie Armageddon and learning that you’re the kind of person who asks way too many questions during movies.

Sleeping next to you and discovering what it was like to feel my body pressed against another so innocently, and knowing in that moment I was secure.

Kissing in the morning, no matter how bad our breath tasted.

Sweaty bodies dancing to magnolia and the way you held onto me even though I knew you wanted to dance along to your favorite song.

The way you didn’t pressure me to give up my virginity, and I didn’t, yet somehow you still managed to steal my innocence.

The taste of four loko’s dripping down my lips and the way you intoxicated me way more than any amount of alcohol ever could.

The way you were incapable of looking me in the eyes on the day you decided it was time for you to go.

Not knowing where I went wrong or getting the closure I deserved, and the way it ate away at me for weeks following our breakup.

Being able to really feel my heart shattering and having to pretend like it didn’t bother me because you didn’t seem to care at all.

Wanting to run and tell you how much I still wanted to be with you each time I saw you, but instead turning and walking the other way.

Leaving out how badly our breakup hurt when anyone asked about us because I didn’t want to receive sympathy.

The amount of tears I shed fighting to be with you, and the amount of tears I shed when you were gone.

You remind me of the good and the bad. After my first heartbreak in 2016, you introduced me to a new and healthier kind of love, even though it wasn’t necessarily as healthy as a relationship should be. You brought my cold heart warmth and the person I am today is a result of everything we were. You made me want to be a better person. Thank you for that.