An ‘Entrepreneur’ — An Open Letter Of Apology To My Friends and Family

Dear Friends and Family,

This is my honest answer to “Hey, its been a while. Been seeing the stuff you’ve been posting; its incredible! Where’ve you been though? You don’t message anymore”

Well… I am an entrepreneur. I don’t really identify with the word too much nor can I give you a standard definition or explain its meaning, nevertheless, it is what you call me.
If you ask me what I think I am… well… I’m lost, I’m depressed, I’m finding myself, I’m learning what I truly love, what I think I hate, I’m creative and I’m involuntarily alienating myself… maybe what I meant to say is that I’m an entrepreneur?

I cannot tell you why I choose to put myself through this and I cannot recommend it to you but it is far better to me than the alternative. I may not be happy yet but I am free with no limitations and that matters to me. 
Most days there is a constant battle in my own mind to give up and return to what I know as safe. But safe didn’t keep me happy and somehow I feel like I’m not the only one that feels that way, but perhaps, one of the few willing to admit it.

My time is so very precious to me and as much as I wish I had the time (and often money) to be with you all I cannot stop myself from feeling like I should be working when I’m away from my work. I can barely make it past 10 minutes in the gym, 5 minutes of lunch or the opening credits of a movie without feeling like I’m in the wrong place. My health has taken a steady decline since I began but I am in the process of rectifying that. 
I never stop thinking about creating content or making things and although it’s beyond obsession and borderline insanity I feel like it’s a reminder I’m doing exactly what I want to be doing.

Here’s the important bit that I cannot stress enough: I am constantly putting down ‘I am grateful for your support’ at the end of my posts or when I share an achievement. I fear it may come across as no more than a formality. To everyone that looks at my work, criticises it, shares it or pats me on the back for it… I genuinely feel as though it’s us vs everything else and if there is any way in which I can return the support to you I truly hope that you let me know. The idea that I am worthy of your support and remarks is massively uplifting and is the best feeling in the world.

I have been lucky enough to have received excellent mentorship and handed opportunities that have helped me reach my goals much faster than anyone, myself included, could have anticipated. I am so grateful that you all have so much faith in me to do more and I am pushing for bigger and better but in the process of trying to outwork yesterday everyday I’ve been putting an unsustainable amount of pressure on myself to perform.

And so…

To my friends and family,

I apologise because I would love to be there. I would love to have attended your engagement drinks, and your birthday party and your meet-up. I’d have loved to have come out last Friday and to confirm my attendance this weekend and I understand that I might be letting you down everytime I tell you “I have work to do”. But I have my reasons and I hope you’ll understand.
I can’t afford to come out tonight and I cannot justify paying my share of dinner quite yet and I don’t expect you to understand it.
I’ve had this incredible dream in my head for years now. And I hope that all this sacrifice is the gateway to sharing it with you one day.
I want you to know that if you call me and need me I’ll answer and I am forever grateful for your patience and support. All of you inspire me to do better and keep going.

To my friends and family,
I love you. 
I am doing okay.
I am giving this my all.
I am an entrepreneur.

Yours sincerly,
Arjun.


About The Author

I am Arjun M Shah, a professional photographer.
Working in fashion, events, weddings and commercial photography I’ve created imagery for Sony, The House of Commons, Prudential, London Heathrow Airport, the John Lewis Partnership and The Football League.

Find my work at www.arjunmshah.com

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