If you were to ask me what I like to do for fun I wouldn’t answer you right away. Don’t ask me what I like to do, but rather what haven’t I tried to do. The cliff jumping squirrel-suit flying thing and pretty much most winter sports are the only things that come to mind. But I’m sure there are more I just can’t think of at the moment.

Almost daily I get an itch to be productive with my free time. I get that antsy feeling in the pit of my stomach that screams at me, “DO SOMETHING!” And I listen. I have to do something because when I am doing nothing I feel lazy. There are even times when I am being productive and still get that feeling. That’s when I look for a different hobby.

The number of hobbies I have collected directly corresponds with the number of years since I officially became old. I define old as that point in my life when going to bars and drinking with friends until I passed out no longer was fun. I also define it as the moment when kids, work and bills all conspired to usher me into premature adulthood.

My wife believes I was born old. Can’t a guy enjoy Bing Crosby and Old Fashions without being called old? (Both are hobbies by the way).

As a kid I had the occasional hobby. I read; I had a very small (and worthless) stamp collection, which I stored in an old Band-Aide tin; I collected baseball cards (but didn’t understand that using them to practice my blackjack shuffle actually decreased their value); I had a model train set (but I think that was my dad’s hobby disguised as mine). Although they were all enjoyable my primary focus as a kid was jumping Gantz Park creek on my bike, sports, and, when I got older, girls.

I guess you can say my “official” hobby is reading. But that hobby has become less about reading and more about buying books I plan to read…at some point…down the road…when I find the time. I have around twenty books that still need to be read and I just bought five more.

I can’t help myself. I have 74 books on my Amazon wishlist and that’s after deleting at least 50 others I realized I may never get around to buying. And now I regret deleting those 50.

I enjoy reading because it is cheap (as long as you don’t follow my example and you buy used), requires little effort and is not stressful (except when I am trying to decide what to read). But sometimes it isn’t enough. And sometimes it is because of reading that I try other hobbies. Like brewing beer.

About ten years ago I ran across an old article about the home brewing revolution sweeping the nation. It looked like fun, and sounded easy. I didn’t have much money to invest, so I did some bad (and lazy) research and bought a Mr. Beer brewing kit. If you are unfamiliar with this little contraption it is basically a powder mixture you add water to, a CO2 cartridge to give it carbonation and a plastic container in the shape of a keg. The container is two halves that seal together and that was the problem — it never sealed properly. So my two attempted brews ended up all over the kitchen floor instead of in my stomach (which was probably a good thing).

I was undeterred. I bought another book. The Complete Joy of Home Brewing by Charlie Papazian. The brewers bible written by the high priest of home brewing. That is how I learned all about wort and extract and hops and malt and fermentation and IBUs and “Smile and have a home brew.” This hobby became a little more expensive than I planned, but it was well worth it.

I can’t say I was ever completely satisfied with the outcome of my many efforts. I did enter a few of my brews into competitions but never did well. Eventually, I brewed less and less until I stopped completely for about three years. Recently, I picked it back up again. My first brew in three years is still aging but if it tastes as well as the brewing process went then it will probably taste like shit when it is done.

Home brewing did lead me to an appreciation of alcohol. Let me clarify. Drinking to get drunk led me to appreciate alcohol, home brewing led me to appreciate fine alcohol and moderation. I experiment with various micro-brews and craft beers and I have expanded my horizon into other pallet pleasing nectar. Namely Scotch. Another hobby of mine. This hobby has the unfortunate nature of being easy but expensive.

Scotch led me to experiment with various other liquors. There are some good bourbons out there that are cheaper than the single malt Scotchs that I tend to favor. In experimenting with various Scotches and Bourbons I discovered I enjoy mixing cocktails. So now I am working on stocking a home bar (of course it would be nice to have an actual home bar to place the stockpiled liquor in). The problem I find with this hobby is the initial expense of stocking the bar. Unless you are made of money then you have to buy your alcohol, mixers, bitters, glasses and bar tools over an extended period of time. Sadly, I tend to drink up my stock before I am complete so I am always back at square one. I love Old Fashions and Martinis (see my earlier reference to being born old).

So, now that you officially think I am an alcoholic let me tell you about some of my other hobbies that do not deal with alcohol…directly.

There was the time I was going to perform indie folk in local establishments so I taught myself guitar. So far, after eight years I can play the same six chords and part of Song Sung Blue by Neil Diamond. But I still pick the acoustic up and strum it from time to time. Luckily my delusions of grandeur that I was going to become a Blues guitarist ended in quick order, but not before I purchased a hollow body guitar and amp. My cousin-in-law is putting them to good use now.

Once I dug a hole in my back yard…with a shovel…by myself. I lined this hole with a liner and placed rocks around the edge of it. I then filled the hole with water and water lilies and fish. I even had a little waterfall. It was relaxing. Then my fish started to disappear. A Blue Hearing (and probably a cat) conspired to ruin the joy. My pond was one of my most prized creations and my most frustrating. I was actually happy when it was no longer my problem.

Of course there is golf. I got my first clubs in 2013 and promptly went out and taught myself how to hit a golf ball. My driver wasn’t too bad, except for the occasional slice. My irons were horrible. I focused all my time at the driving range on my irons determined to perfect them. The problem was in the process I forgot how to hit my driver. Now I just get frustrated and embarrassed and use my five iron on the Par 5, 350 yard 9th hole. I don’t go to the driving range as much anymore.

I continue to experiment and grow as a home chef. (I’ve only required stitches once from dicing vegetables.) When I had the time I loved to express myself in community theater. (But I dance like a forty-something year-old white guy). I like to hike and run (but those are also requirements for my job so I’m not sure they can count as a hobby too). I enjoy building things with my hands. (I suck at building scale models, damn crazy glue is just too…crazy.)

Then there is writing. I always enjoyed writing as a kid but never did much with it. I picked up writing again recently and as you can tell from this post I still have some issues, including my rambling nature. But I have written one book I am currently editing and have the beginning of one more. I will say this, it is the cheapest hobby I have ever had and if nobody ever reads anything I write I am okay with it. Just like reading it relaxes me.

As I reflect on some of the hobbies I have collected over the years I wonder if you view me as a quitter. Maybe I am in some ways, or maybe I just have a mild form of ADD. But, I like to think of myself as an experimenter. I like to try new things and, honestly, I am okay with never being good at them or having them as lifelong hobbies. When I am doing them I feel productive and don’t feel so lazy. So I will just keep on keeping on. I already have some future potential hobbies lined up:

• Buy a turntable and start collecting old vinyls
• Cricket (could be cost prohibitive)
• Tai Chi
• Model railroading (although my dad did most of the work when I was a kid I still enjoyed it)
• Rebuild a classic car (my wife and my lack of experience may be a hindrance)

Oh, yeah, and the cliff jumping squirrel-suit flying thing (but not really).