Frenetic Scribblings #18: Living in the moment
As outlined in a previous piece, I have a blind mind’s eye.
I don’t see mental images. It’s incredibly difficult to describe what I do see, but certainly not the vivid mental imagery that I’m told others experience.
Something I idly wonder about fairly often is what it would be like to see life from someone else’s eyes. It sounds crazy to me that people see in their head in even a similar way to how they see reality — as it no doubt sounds crazy to those of you that can see…that I can’t. Nevertheless, I will attempt to describe the experience of seeing from my perspective.
When I close my eyes I don’t see anything.
Just blackness.
If that sounds terrifying to you, that’s because it kinda is.
I don’t have memories in the same way other people do. I have incredibly poor recall to begin with — I often half joke that if a fact doesn’t stick the first time it never will. In particular I’m notorious for forgetting where I put things. I can’t retrace my steps to find whatever it is I’ve lost because I can’t picture them in my head.
So yeah, it sucks. Sometimes it sucks hard. Good memories fading away into a haze or being unable to recall scenes in the first place, is a genuinely soul crushing feeling.
But it’s also an opportunity.
I live moment to moment. Spontaneity wasn’t in my nature, but it’s grown on me over time from the fact I don’t really have…a memory. Not in the same way other people have described theirs anyway. It’s difficult to truly know. But it’s shaped my life philosophy more than I usually realise.
I can’t look back longingly at the past, because it’s lost.
I can’t look speculatively in the future, because I can’t picture what it might be like.
I can only look at what’s right in front of me. The here and now.
Like many things in life, it’s both a blessing and a curse.
Either way, there’s nothing I can do to change it, so all I can do is make the best of it.
I do this by wringing every ounce of experience out of every damn moment that I breath. I’d vehemently encourage you to do the same. Even the overwhelming majority of you out there with unclouded minds eyes.
Thought for the day: Charles R. Swindoll — Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it
