10 observations about iCloud with irrefutable support from ABC’s hit series The Bachelor

Um. Yes. That.

In light of the events relating to iCloud over the past few days, I have 10 observations to make about the technology. Each is supported with a quote culled from the 18 seasons of ABC television’s series The Bachelor, which marks either the apex of bad TV or the nadir of our civilization. You decide.

  1. It’s not that people don’t care about privacy, it’s that they don’t understand what it is.

“Your eye is like a huge, huge eye.”

2. We fell too hard, too fast for iCloud.

“You know when a baby giraffe is born and they have those wobbly legs? It feels like that, ya know?”

3. Our level of anger at iCloud today is disproportionate.

“On a scale of one to 10, I’m a level 15.”

4. This is changing how we feel about Apple. But for how long?

“She’s a liar. Vapid, manipulative, not nice, and hurtful.”

5. Most of us actually know nothing about iCloud and don’t understand a think about technoprivacy.

“I look up, and it’s snowing. I don’t know where the snow is coming from, but it’s snowing.”

6. iCloud isn’t going to stop.

“It’s so ironic to be standing next to a geyser. Our chemistry is bursting through as well.”

7. Tomorrow will actually come.

“I either live or I die or I poop my pants.”

8. As with learning to integrate our lives with any emerging technology, we go by trial and error.

“Nobody gives you a manual on how to be on The Bachelor — you’re actually supposed to figure out the rules of this game.”

9. We’ve seen this all before.

“There’s just rows and rows of produce and vegetables and lemongrass and mint and basil and all sorts of yummy stuff. I’ve never seen anything like this, really. It’s a big community, and they all work together, and I was telling the girls we should have this back in America.”— A contestant’s recollection of seeing this thing in Asia. Called a farm.

10. This needs to and should improve iCloud.

“I’m so excited. Words can’t describe how excited I am.”

One clap, two clap, three clap, forty?

By clapping more or less, you can signal to us which stories really stand out.