What’s really wrong?

Sometimes I doubt my ability to forge any lasting relationship, be it love, friendship, or the supposedly stable & socially bound construct of family. My usual justification is that love is by nature complicated and I am hardly the first person in the world unable to succeed on that end. Friendship is again in the realm of various externalities such as age, change of place, change of priorities, difference of opinions, egos, and no social obligation to make anything last. Very early in my life, I consciously deleted the idea of the “best friend”. I made myself believe that a person can only have good friends; a best friend represents the hypothetical and idyllic idea of a person perfectly complementing you. To me it was a ruse and I purposely refrained from it, possibly to avoid getting hurt. In fact for long I considered this as a sign of my maturity amongst peers.

Failing with regard to family has made me think again. After all, family should theoretically be easier to service. No frills and low maintenance. After all ties by blood should supersede everything, right? I thought that is the point of evolution. But lately I think I am hardly interested in the lives of some folks, fairly close in relation. The worst part is that this distant attitude is purely my own. They are always nice and pleasant. I don’t know if it is something superficial but based on what is visible, I will only blame myself.

Perhaps I am the one with the problem. Perhaps I need to grow up.