3 Common Pitfalls of Healing

Some of the common ways we sabotage our healing (whether intentionally or not) and how to adjust for more synchronicity.

I’ve been on a healing journey for most of my life. Some say it has to do with my astrological sign (Pisces, a triple Pisces actually) and having Chiron(the wounded healer), prominent in my chart, or others to being an old soul. Whatever the reason, healing, and spirituality have been an intrinsic interest of mine since I was a child.

So with all that I have done and experienced, struggled with and challenged, and with what I have noticed with the people that I work with, here are some common pitfalls of healing, and how you may resolve them!

1. Too Much At Once

This is perhaps the most common one. I have been “guilty” of this many times. Deciding to change or work on too many things at the same time and becoming overwhelmed, not having enough time for it all, and then giving up.

The thing about healing is that it takes energy to do it and fully integrate it into our being. So when we choose to do multiple things at the same time, it can sabotage the results we were looking for in the first place.

There is healing that happens with more ease and flow and doesn’t require much attention from us. This type of healing is usually when we have been devoting ourselves to our health and wellness for some time, and are riding the waves of our own flow, in tune with our needs and desires. The key here is acceptance. Or it can happen when a big life change occurs, (like something shocking) and we meet this challenge with grace and acceptance. It also happens during times of spiritual awakenings, or spiritual emergence and is normally marked by an unavoidable or undeniable shift.

However, generally, we undertake something because we want to feel better, be better, improve, or develop and this is when the trap is set. Normally (but not always) underneath this is an idea that we are not good enough and so set out to heal everything that is “wrong”.

When this happens there isn’t often real change, but instead a set of goals, milestones, and beliefs that we hold as a standard against our journey. This is often coupled with a growing list of things to do, change, or be, which becomes a pressure and energy drain on our mental and emotional well-being. Leading to a sense of overwhelm, followed by quitting and likely shame or feeling like a “failure”.

All of this could have been avoided by choosing one or two things that are really important and committing to them, one day at a time.

2. Spiritual Bypassing

Another easy pitfall or trap to fall into is one of spiritually bypassing all pain or challenges. It may be something we do to ourselves or it may be something others in the healing and spiritual communities we interact with are doing.

Spiritual bypassing looks like avoiding anything we think doesn’t fit into our ideal view, anything painful, ugly, or in the shadow. It often involves someone or ourselves dismissing things we don’t want to deal with. For example, let’s say you feel low, depressed, or angry, it can be bypassed with a “light and love” attitude that dismisses what is really going on or how you are really feeling because anger or undesirable beliefs or actions do not fit into this white, light ideal of a healed and spiritual person.

True healing involves looking right into the shadow side of things, the ugly, the uncomfortable, the awkward, and choosing to approach it with awareness and love. Not avoiding it, ignoring it, or washing it down while denying it exists.

Read my “I’m a lightworker. Here’s how I work with my shadow” for more examples.

This approach doesn’t heal anything. It only stuffs it down deeper to continue to affect our well-being, and when we do it to others, or allow others to do it to us, creates a toxic relationship built on dishonesty and denial.

3. Expecting Others to Also Change

Another very common pitfall in healing is expecting those around us to be on the same path as us.

It can be challenging to feel healing and transformation in our lives and not see those same changes in the ones we love or share our lives with. Often this leads to conflicts and can even sabotage the changes and growth we began.

One of the greatest lessons I have learned (the hard way), is to accept where people are at in their own life journey and not expect them to feel the same way that I do. This awareness recognizes that we are all at different places, we all have a different journey to experience, and what is right for one person, may not be right for another.

This pitfall also commonly affects us when we are struggling with childhood or family wounds and are working towards moving on and healing from them. When we do this, it is important that we know our family may not be willing to, or able to heal. They may also not be willing to, or able to accept how we are changing. If we are aware of this, we can struggle less with the challenge of it, and focus more on our own self-love, growth, and joy in life.

If you have felt any of these sneak in, here are a few suggestions:

1. Choose one or two things that are really relevant to you now, and that you feel a sense of energy and excitement about. A certain level of fear is also good, as it lets you know that what you want will bring growth for you.
2. Then identify a couple of small, practical steps you can do right away that are directly related to it. The more approachable something is, the more likely you are to stick with it to the end.
3. Check in about your energy level and desire to commit on a regular basis. If you are starting to lose energy or interest, or if it has started to become more and more difficult, re-evaluate, take time to rest and replenish, and get some pleasure to activate and fuel you!
4. Recognize that life WILL get in the way at some point. This is normal. There will be days when it is hard, when you are busy, or when it feels too big. Go back to steps 1–3, especially focusing on self-care, pleasure, and what feels good to replenish you.
5. Seek support. Support from family, friends, loved ones, a counselor, or communities (whether online or in person), that enliven you. This also means setting boundaries or staying away from people that drain you, put you down, or don’t support what you are doing.
6. Change takes practice (and humor helps too!). Most don’t have spontaneous change that sticks overnight. It takes choice, consistent choice. If you know this and can remind yourself to be gentle, and have some humor and lightness about it, it is more likely to integrate and become your new normal.

If you want some support on your healing journey, connect with me. A spiritual guide can help with these pitfalls, or even be an encouraging coach along the journey!