Don’t disturb me… I am doing “Yoga”

Nary a week has passed, since I have celebrated International Yoga Day — 2017. This day and date will forever hold a special position in my life, the way Surya-Namaskar (Sun Salutation) holds in Yoga. Heck! I will even mention this day in my autobiography (if I would write…like ever) using a special ink and I would reserve maximum pages for it (even more than the mentioning of the first day I agreed on stuff). I am sharing these overwhelming fountain of thoughts with you, because I have done something outstandingly smart. I accidentally (yet with a lot of diligence) discovered the secret to be happy in my married life(without getting divorce…kudos to me). You won’t believe me. I knew this. That’s why I want to share this story of my triumph with you, flaunting my smartness.

Before starting, please don’t pet any wrong idea that “I used to be a sad-li’l fella during my whole married life” or that “I hate my wife for being so profligate!” or that “I am fed up of her constant whining and grumbling acts which have gradually became an inevitable part of her” or that “I seriously wanted a way out of her trap but her palatable food always comes in between me and my decision” or that “I even started to look for some extra-marital alternatives”. People! My wife is beautiful (and I mean it), an extreme believer in egalitarian-postulates and a good culinarian. But the thing which I admired most about her, before our marriage (which eventually led to our marriage), was her generosity and her partying habits (both of which required money — she got from her father and now from me, until now).

A Shopaholic Wife: There exists no substitute for shopping in the whole universe!

I would like to venture some details about me. I am a man in his mid 40's. “A married man with an impotency in making any household decisions and 50%+ outside ones.” Now I don’t expect empathy from those who are outside this husbands-club. But I am sure, my club members can easily understand what I am trying to convey, not because they are intelligent enough but because of the blatant-correlation. So, I am a man with a designation of clerk in a private-sector office and I work my ass-off to earn a good living in these tough economic times. Times you never know, when your ass can get fired. I am strong enough to fight any battles and burn anything to ground just to survive this job. But not strong enough to hold my tears, whenever I watch my adorable wife (who is now as cute as Winnie — the Pooh and on her expedition to become Manny — the elephant of ‘Ice Age’), partying every-week with her friends (ignoring her health outrageously) or the day she asks for my card to do shopping. She has this peculiar complaint with contemporary brands that, “the quality of cloth, they use, is bad. As after every 3–4 months, her clothes get shrunk” (which I wander and contemplate why only happens with her).

I used to dream of the ways I would tell her what was the real reason behind her every problem and ultimately my problem. But God!I seriously doubt if resolution of Israel-Palestine Issue or Kashmir Issue has that level of complexity, the level my problem had. Perhaps our politicians don’t want to resolve them at all. Because, I finally got this enlightenment —

“If you really want to solve any problem (even as complicated as a marriage), you can. Yes! You Can…!!!”

I have read a lot about Yoga and the transcending benefits it entails. But never tried to inculcate it. Not even on the day of it’s inception as an International Day. I am seriously not a day-celebrator. Especially not when there are some inherent political conspiracies exist behind it (which I seriously see none). I mean, I have heard Moon-Conspiracies, Alien-Conspiracies. But the ruckus of “Yoga Conspiracy” concocted by Mr. Modi (Indian Prime Minister — at present), as propounded by our media and other political groups, was beyond my comprehensibility. But I won’t deny, blaming Mr. Modi, for making Yoga a trend like Game of Thrones. The only difference is, every trendy person of every age-group wants to do it.

Yoga is not as bad as media and politics are toiling to portray it

So, on the eve of Yoga-Day, 2017, this idea struck my mind (like Archimedes Principle) and Eureka! I got to tell you the feeling was phenomenal. The first half-an-hour, I gave myself a treat. I know my every problem will resolve once I implement it. So, after coming back to my senses, I now realized the only conundrum. It was to convince my stubborn wife. The problem was I have persuade her to do yoga and consecutively follow a simple lifestyle. And she hates Yoga. She considers it as some fanciful-stunt to waste time (which I don’t disagree, well not in front of her). So, in order to convince her, I suggested her to do Yoga (with a euphemistic approach). I knew, I had to measure my every step before stepping, because one wrong step and Bam! everything just fall apart. My 15 years of finding excuses to make her stop excessive shopping, just goes in vain. So, I took some help from internet for not failing in her Interrogation-Round. It was a loooonnnnnng discussion but I will share some of its excerpts.

My Beloved Wife: But Honey! you were always against any physical activity let alone Yoga. So, why now?

Poor Me: Love! I am in my mid-40s. I have already caught effect of age. I don’t want this happen to you. Hey! I don’t want you old so soon. And besides it’s Yoga day. So, what better occasion to start Yoga but Yoga-Day.

My Beloved Wife: I don’t know. I mean, I’m not against it. But I just can’t understand all chanting stuff in it. It seems a bit radical. Doesn’t it?

Poor Me: Ok. Like what. Take for instance Surya-Namaskar. The mantra it entails-

Om Saha Naav[au]-Avatu |
Saha Nau Bhunaktu |
Saha Viiryam Karavaavahai |
Tejasvi Naav[au]-Adhiitam-Astu Maa Vidvissaavahai |
Om Shaantih Shaantih Shaantih ||

Meaning: May God Protect us Both (the Teacher and the Student),
May God Nourish us Both,
May we Work Together with Energy and Vigour,
May our Study be Enlightening, and not giving rise to Hostility,
Om, Peace, Peace, Peace

So, tell me what’s wrong with it.

My Beloved Wife: But doesn’t chanting mantra makes Yoga more of a Indian and Hindu?

Poor Me: Ok! If it does then tell me, doesn’t following the rules of gravity makes us English and Christian? So, let’s not follow Gravity.

My Beloved Wife (with a subtle chuckling): OK! I agree. But tell me if Yoga had been so beneficial for ages, then why did Indian Politicians and Babas advocated to make it an International day.

Poor Me: My innocent wife! Science is good. Then why do we send our children to school to learn about it. Why not they understand Science just by observations. As far as the question of making any day, an international day is concerned. Well! it requires a majority vote in UN. And did you know, not even a single country voted against it. So, it was not a play by Indian-Polity but an International Organization.

Yoga is practiced by all — whether a celebrity or a commoner and it doesn’t discriminate

Innumerable questions like these were thrown at me, and I unbelievably and intellectually tossed ’em like nothing. Long story short, she gave up and asked me what she should do. Now that was the moment of my life ( when your wife concedes and is willing and happy to oblige your instructions). After a long time, I felt like, I finally got independence from 20 years of slavery. I told her, to adopt a simple life-style, look for happiness in spirituality and within yourself. Don’t be materialistic (this argument was especially for the excessive shopping she used to do). Stop eating fast foods and minimize boozing (this argument was intended on her kitty-partying lifestyle and her spendthrifting). And she happily, consented with all my instructions.

Just to be clear, I never was against her enjoying the life. I was against her idea of a happy life (which she considers something fraught with partying and shopping only). I know that I pulled reverse-psychology stunt to fulfill my selfish-parsimonious agendas. But this is what marriage is, you have got to support each-other and show each-other the right way (without hurting the sentiments). Anyways…I forgot to share the result of this grand psychological experiment with you.

Result:

One week expenditure = 0.5 * Avg. week expend. last mth (or last-to-last or last-to-last-to-last) approx. = Something I can happily afford now

=> We lived happily ever after.

P.S.: The conversation(between husband and wife) mentioned above is inspired by an interview with Sadhguru Jaggi Vasudev and is purely motivated to impart knowledge. The author does not claim any copyright on the above mentioned conversation.

Originally posted on www.tellyourstories.in

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