Why is it so hard for you to live your dream life ?
6 reasons on why you’ve been existing instead of living, and how you can turn the situation to your advantage.
When it comes to take a big step in your life, jump in the unknown and “get rid” of this life that doesn’t appeal to you anymore, I’ll always be your number one fan and the one who will tell you to go for it.
Being aware that you’re missing out something in your life is already a big step. You know that things need to change. Now, what are you going to do ? Because being aware is good, taking action is better.
But somehow, we often get stuck in the process to the point where we’ll never go forward. What really stops us from the big change, the freedom to the life you’ve always sought ?
1) You fear what you really want
Is it too big for me ? Can I really do it ? Sometimes you crave experiences like quitting your job to go teaching surf in Nicaragua, writing that book you’ve been thinking about for years, opening that bakery whereas you’ve been working in finance your whole life.. but you feel like everyone but you can do it. These dreams you have seem unachievable or too big for you. You’re afraid, it’s normal and a good start : you dream of something ! Now if you think about it, it might be time to make it come true.
Sometimes we want change really bad and once we have the possibility to make it happen, we take one step backward. We want to stay in that “grey zone” : we’re talking about doing it, we want to and we can do it, but we do absolutely nothing to make it come true. As if thinking about it was enough. No it’s not. What’s holding you back ? Keep reading…
2) It takes too much effort for something you “probably don’t want” at the end
Once you clearly identified what you wanted, let’s say your dream life is to open a backpacker hostel in Mexico, you’re going to take note of all the requirements you need to make it come true : look for funding, reassure your worried family that doesn’t understand why “your incredible executive position doesn’t fulfill your life”, deal with local procedures/language, the possibility that it can not work… “Hold on, what am I getting into ? It is a lot of work and I shouldn’t step into such a big project on my own. I’m not even sure it can succeed.”. So you just stop doing anything, you are stuck, paralyzed by the fear of failure.
Turning your dreams into reality is not easy, everyone would do it and succeed. It shows how determined and tough you are and how many sacrifices you are willing to make. And that’s where most people stop and give up. Launching that startup, leaving the comfortable job or planning a world tour require resources like money, endless nights of work, courage… When you face what it takes, you may feel discouraged and not ready to take actions. When I say “it might be too much work for something you might not want at the end”, I mean in view of all the steps it will take you to climb to your dream life, you may wonder if it worth it in the end. If these whole commitment and sacrifices are worthwhile. Don’t divert from your goal just because it’s “too hard”. You really want this and you won’t get it by staying in your sofa or praying the God of easy opportunities.
This situation happened to me many times, especially one experience that can perfectly illustrate that karma. I had a job, not thrilling but cool. I would take my brain off at 9 and take it back at 5. The kind of job that doesn’t require a lot of reflexion, pretty basic and not really rewarding. But I was working with my friends, had good benefits and zero responsabilities. What more could I ask for ? To upgrade my life ? Yes. I was thinking about it everyday.
So I kept telling myself it was to put food on the table and that I would eventually end up finding something I’d really enjoy. The “temporary job”, as I loved qualifying it, lasted for over a year. Regarding what I had to “lose” if quitting, it got harder and harder for me to look for something else. But karma took care of my future and the company eventually went bankrupt. I was up against it and had no choice but finding an alternative. It turned out to be the best thing that could ever happen to me ! Once my comfortable bubble exploded, I realized I needed to move on. That brutal kick you get when things are not moving as fast as they should. I’m grateful this mess helped me see clearer about my aspirations and the vital necessity to not wallow in something that doesn’t fulfill you entirely.
If you don’t decide, life is going to choose for you and push you to the breaking point. The sooner you take actions on what is best for you, the more you can anticipate and not get smashed on the face by life.
3) I’m afraid of people’s opinions
Honestly, that’s why most people don’t do what they really want to. You’re always afraid of what people are going to say or think. It’s hard to detach yourself from this uncomfortable feeling because it requires a lot of confidence. In this world, we’re told to live our life, follow our dreams and be unique but we are constantly judged for existing according to your own standards, especially if those divert from “the norm”.
The sooner you realize that none of the others’ opinion matters and regardless what you’re going to do (or don’t do), people will always have something to say about it. So enjoy your life and don’t live for others. This sounds very cliché and you’ve probably heard that a hundred times. I don’t care, it’s for your good. And the crazy fact about all of this ? If you succeed doing what you’ve all left for, people will congratulate you and tell you how brave you were ! Funny, isn’t it ?
In my life, I’ve been very lucky to always feel supported by everyone I was telling I was going abroad to. I had one teacher a few years ago, right before moving to Canada, who told me it was “a very bad plan” to stop my studies. “Tu fais une connerie Marcelline” (literally “You are screwing up”). I let him argue, setting out anxious arguments about the importance of being set up before wandering the world. So far, he was and still is the only person who got mixed-feelings about it. Never mind, I didn’t listen and went anyway. It should always be this way but it’s not everyone who has this chance to feel supported. If it seems right to you, stop being concerned, listen to yourself and have drive, you can do it !
4) I have a lot to lose and my comfort zone isn’t that bad
Yeah it’s comfy out here ! The life you’re living is actually stable, your routine protects you and gives no chance for any change. It can be reassuring especially when your life is scheduled day after day. You don’t ask yourself any questions, you just follow the path you’ve been taking for years. I had my comfort zone too, until I realized that I was not living my life but undergoing it.
I left my home country (France) at 20 years-old to live in Montreal, Canada. I’ve been living there for two and a half years now, I’m loving it but it’s still a routine. It has been a big step at such a young age to live far away from home, don’t get me wrong ! But once all the excitement of the beginning passed, I started to have a job, go out to the same places with the same people, go to sleep and do it all over again and again and ag.. Oups, got lost in my routine haha ! See ? And then, you feel like you need something to disrupt this tidy life of yours.
I’m not saying that having an orderly life is wrong, some people need it and feel more comfortable that way. But for us, people who can get bored easily, it might be good sometimes to just let ourselves to sudden impulses. Not giving a damn or not listening to anyone (except my mom who would explain me for the hundredth time not to wash colors and white together), I’d just follow my inner voice and experience some of the best moments of my life.
5) People will tell you how crazy you are to leave behind everything you’ve worked so hard for
I’ve heard that one a lot and the truth is, they’re right. Either you worked hard or not to get the life you currently have, you made sacrifices, you studied, you put your whole energy to get this job and you committed to do it well. So why being willing to stop everything for a crazy dream, a mid-life crisis caprice ? People need to know one thing : what doesn’t make you happy anymore needs to change. And if they pay more attention to a job title or a prestigious position than your well being, maybe it’s time to have a little clear-out in your relationships. Just sayin’. Surround yourself with people who rise, cheer you up and endorse your choices no matter what. You don’t need their approval, just their understanding.
6) You’ll find excuses and you’ll be jealous of people who ACTUALLY did it while you didn’t
For a long time, I had the idea of starting a blog where people could find my writings but I never showed up for that. I would find all the excuses of the world to postpone that one mission I had. I was in total denial, telling myself that either it wouldn’t work, no one would read it or I would just never make the first step towards it, always waiting for the “perfect moment” that doesn’t exist.
Once I started to see people that I knew writing content on different platforms such as blogs, Instagram, Facebook, my ego got shaken. Because even if it was just a hobby at first or something they would spend a few minutes on a daily basis, they were on their way to create the life they wanted. And I was not. And they eventually started to get a solid audience, they became more and more consistent and their content got better each day. Now they’re making a living from their passion and I’m the one who never took the chance for myself. I was being jealous of them even if I profoundly knew that it was all my fault as I didn’t make the first move. I was jealous because this was just a demonstration of how waiting for the perfect moment is holding you back from your dreams. There is no perfect moment, time is now. Yes, your first essays or the first months of your newborn startup may not be the best ones, but you show up everyday to make it happen, improve your skills and get better. You are already more successful than 95% of us who “wish for something” and never do anything.
“It’s better to have an imperfect field test rather than a thousand perfect theories in your room”
My fear of failure and my excuses led me to jealousy and envy, I’m not proud of that but it surely awoke something inside me telling me to do it. Whatever I want, you want, go for it NOW.
Now that you read some of the reasons of why you might be failing on your way to your dream life, let’s move to how you can turn the situation to your advantage (or not) :
DISCLAIMER : the following elements might not be the ones you expected. I have absolutely nothing against these famous speakers or people who attend motivational conferences. Have you already heard about irony ?
- Start by visualizing your goal : create a vision board with pictures of things you want or places you crave to go. It can also be a picture of a new job or a person. Everything that appeals to you. Put it somewhere you’re going to see it everyday (not that it can be super relevant and a bit creepy to have your secret crush’s face on your toilets wall though). It probably won’t work but at least, you’ll get to see your dream beach everyday on a board in your plywood kitchen.
- Read a shit-ton of books about self-confidence. You know, the ones telling you that nothing is impossible to people who dare dreaming. Be careful, they’ll suggest you to make a vision board. “You’re a badass” they say. Yes you are, but only when you cheat at boarding game and still win anyway.
- Make motivational speakers your gurus. How cool is that, when your life is suddenly driven by men in their 50’s selling you a 2.000$ ticket for a 3-days conference, to tell you to “unleash the power within”. Sure you got your ego boosted and you leave full of faith and determination. And yet your bank account is already begging you to not attend this 6th conference on “How to quintuple your revenue based on your astrological sign” .
- Don’t push yourself to 100%. Push to 110% because the ten percents can make the whole difference (really though ?)
By mocking these tools designed to help you, I’m certainly not mocking people who use them. I just find it funny to put so much faith in books, audios, conferences when the decision to act and change your way of life is YOURS. I use them too sometimes, I can’t lie to you. They surely helped me with my motivation where I desperately needed it and for that, I would recommend them 100%. Just don’t only rely on them :)
Good luck, you can do it.
