Is It Because of Envy? Probably.

What is it about having things that makes other people so enraged and passionate? A quick internet search will tell you that envy is a reaction to lacking something, while jealousy is a reaction to the threat of losing something (usually someone).
In personal relationships, you’re more likely to experience jealousy. But when it comes to somebody you don’t know — whose choices don’t affect you personally — why would you be upset at what they have? The answer points to envy.
For example:
“Those people want to get married! Marriage is between a man and a woman! They can’t have what we have, it’s not for them.”
If you’re somebody who feels this way, it’s important to ask yourself why. If those consenting adults can live a happy life and experience the legal, financial, and emotional benefits of marriage, what is it about your own situation that makes you so passionately opposed to someone else’s happiness?
Are you married? If so, has your marriage been successful and happy? If not, are you envious of people who are happily married? Did your previous relationships end badly?
You can’t teach people compassion until they discover for themselves that their own insecurities or failures are at the root of their extreme displeasure for other people having things.
The obvious omission from this article thus far is religion, but if religion were truly the reason you don’t want people to have, then clearly the type of government you’re suggesting or desire is a Theocracy. And this article is aimed at people who want to live under a Democracy — where practicing your faith (or lack thereof) or engaging in specific behaviors (such as sex) is safe; where you have the freedom to have a family or not, to have a specific career or not, etc. If you want to be a blue collar worker, go for it. If you want to be an artist or a scientist, all fair game. If you want to have kids or not, etc.
So now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, let’s go back to what makes you so insecure about other people having things.
Recently, I was told that I have to wear a bra.
Mind you, my breasts don’t need the support, but more importantly, why would anybody really suggest that I can’t have braless breasts? What about my breasts make you insecure?
If you have breasts, does your own cup size bother you? Do you wish you didn’t need the support? Are you ashamed of having breasts?
A cis man told me to wear the bra, so let’s focus on that. Do you feel bad for looking at my breasts as a married man and therefore projected your insecurities onto me? Do my breasts offend you as an existence? Do you wish you had breasts? Are the breasts you get to look at unsatisfying to you? What about me having braless breasts enrages you so much, what is it you’re lacking?
Another example:
“Women can’t have access to affordable family planning and birth control. They shouldn’t be having sex before marriage, anyways.”
This argument addresses a couple “have” issues. If you are a person that is opposed to birth control, then don’t take it. What is it about other people having options that upsets you? Some people choose to have sex outside of wedlock, and furthermore, choose to do it recreationally. If it’s not for you, don’t have it outside of wedlock or have sex recreationally. But why stop people you don’t know from having safe, healthy sexual practices? What do you have to gain from stopping other people from having? You don’t. Instead, what about your own sex life is causing you immense insecurity and rage for somebody else’s? Is your sex life uneventful? Have you ever wondered what it would be like to have had a different partner? Do you feel like your partner is attracted to you sexually? Do you feel attracted to your partner? Are you having trouble conceiving? Do you not want as many as kids as you have?
There’s no one telling you that you can’t wait until marriage or that you shouldn’t just have one partner.
So then why do you want to prevent them from having sex the way they want to have sex?
Last example:
“People speak American (they mean English) here! While you live in this country, you should speak [English], you can’t have a [insert any language] household in the USA!”
Again, we’ve established Democracy and that if you want to speak another language, you’re free to do so. So let’s move on to why other languages enrage or upset you.
Is it that you feel insecure that you’re being talked about? Probably not because you don’t know every person that speaks a different language. Or maybe it’s because you wish you could speak another language? Do you feel like your culture is bland or flavorless? Can you not roll your “r”s? Or are you insecure that you’ll feel less than by having other cultures in your community? Does it intimidate you that some people can speak multiple languages? Do you feel less educated or intelligent because you can only speak one language? If you visit another country, do you feel that you should already be fluent in their language, or do you just hold that standard for tourism in this country? And so on.
There’s an article called, “I Don’t Know How To Explain To You That You Should Care About Other People” by Kayla Chadwick, and I love the title of this article. I have written this type of article in a thousand different ways and researched hundreds of methods to “teach compassion”. However, I have come to realize one can’t begin to understand compassion for others without first recognizing their own insecurities.
Next time you feel enraged at somebody else’s career choice, family decisions, gender expression, sexual orientation, or faith, look inside yourself and ask why it is you don’t want them to have, especially if you have the freedom to have all of those things.
At the end of it all, if you find that you still think our government should restrict safe/consenting practices or should make legislation that favors one specific religion, race, gender, or orientation, then maybe consider the fact you don’t actually want to live in a Democracy. And do us all a favor: stop voting in one.
