The last lessons
The end is where the enlightenment is. On that note, I was fortunate to have enjoyed a fair share of sermons my dad’s life had to offer in his fading days. Being bound beside him during his last days of hospitalization would easily be the most meaningful stint of my entire life. Every word was profound, every breath had a meaning and every moment had its own significance. As a son who couldn’t boast of many heartfelt conversations with my dad earlier, I somehow felt the most alive with this routine of sharing my entire time with him over the next few days.
I couldn’t particularly decipher what went on his head during his final stride, but this state of affairs put some thoughtful messages in my mind that my life so far failed to do. And that is what I attempt to put into words in the further course of my writing.
Seeing him getting worse on a daily scale made me feel the urgency of time. Though this was a catastrophic sign, there was a positive note to it. It made me fluent in expressing things that I otherwise wouldn’t have. And for me, this has to be the biggest takeaway from this ordeal; Our next moment in life is uncertain, we don’t need a deathbed around to remind us of that, so be honest and vocal with things that crop up in your conscience.
I can use all the superlatives in the world to try to put emotion to the desperation I have had to bring him back alive. The desperation was so intense that it slashed my basic need including hunger and sleep for almost 10 days straight. That’s when I realized when you’re honestly giving your all in a struggle, nature finds a detour even if your needs meet a slight compromise.
Now that I’m getting better mentally over this traumatic experience, I’m slowly gaining the acceptance to wade through these tides. And this brings enough courage in me to draw this perspective. To be in pace with reality, you’ve got to make peace with the past and get on with things that need to be done. Because all the empathy and support you garner is only a temporary fix. Somewhere someone is enduring something worse than your sorrows, so be grateful for what you have and start afresh.
There’s still a lot of obscure thoughts that are clogging my contemplation, But I’d be happy to complete my flow of words here, taking a pledge to do more things that would immortalize my dad.