The Incessant Memoirs – It Isn’t Easy

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If you need me to be candid about this then I’m about to be. Brace yourselves. I’m genuinely drained of how life has tossed and turned me around like I’m a spinning top. My resilience has been tested in unimaginable ways. Life’s thrown me for a loop- again, again and again. But you know what? I didn’t lose it. I didn’t give up. I’m still here. And I am thriving.

The past couple months, I was getting a lot of worried messages from people genuinely wanting to know where I was. Why I wasn’t anywhere on social media again, why I wasn’t writing again, why I wasn’t active again… I didn’t know how to tell everyone that I wasn’t active online because I wasn’t active offline either. I was offline in the literal sense. I was bedridden. I wasn’t eating, drinking, sleeping, or doing anything a ‘normal’ human being should be doing. It’s been this way for me for over a year now. When my disease strikes, everything falls apart. If you haven’t ever faced a major illness, I don’t blame you for not understanding this. (Also, lucky you. Please count your blessings. I hope you never have to understand this.) I have a disease. It’s deadly too. But here’s the catch. I’m getting better. I’m doing fine. I had a relapse while I was getting better and that was scary but I’m standing on my feet again because I have absolutely no intention of living with this bane. I am on various forms of therapies and I know I will fully recover. I’ve had patience up until now and I will continue to keep it. I could go gory on you and into the details of what my illness did to me. But I won’t. For the basic reason that I don’t want to. Also, I don’t want to give this nuisance any more importance than it already has gotten in my life. It’s redundant for me to give it any more. It does not deserve anything from me. Except for a metaphorical (and literal) kick in the butt. (Which is exactly what it’s getting)

Point being, things got onerous. But now they’re better. I am better. And I will be better. Let me be a cliche here and tell you the most authentic axiom of life there is- Life’s a climb. But the view’s great.

I used to be terrified of change. Even the smallest inconvenience used to make me kooky before this nightmare happened in my life. It’s almost like the nightmare that diminished my immunity physically unquestionably ameliorated my mental immunity. I don’t care about things that supposedly should bother me because I have laid on my bed for days, weeks, months even like a half conscious entity not knowing if I’ll wake up the next day. That s*** shakes you to the very core. The only things that bother me now (though nothing really does) is doing what I have to do and what contributes to my well being and happiness. I’m that annoying bubble of optimism and hope. The one that all those cynics love to make jabs at. Make those jabs. I literally do not care. I’ve survived the most realistic horror film that you couldn’t even imagine being a part of. (I hope you never do.) So your jabs are quite incoherent and frivolous to me. I only wish you well. I wish everyone well because all the un-well s*** that happened to me was all too unfortunate.

This horror film may have come, hit me, put me down, and exited. But you know what did not end? My spirit. Because that is one bitch who does not know when to stop. And I am so glad she doesn’t. She gets up and fights back. And that’s what she’s been doing for more than a year. I couldn’t be more grateful. This piece is simply my spirit apprising the fact that she ain’t going anywhere. She may have been on a small hiatus attempting to being expunged by life. But she annihilated life itself. And she’s better than ever before.

Arushi Tandon is a resilient, tenacious, vehement and arduous human who can’t be stopped and will not be stopped. She’s also buoyant, witty, (hopefully) hilarious, (maybe?) conceited, grateful, and vibrant AF.

You’re just going to have to deal with it.