No, Boys Will Not Be Boys.

Asari
Asari
Jul 28, 2017 · 3 min read

So, I use an app called Eve. Eve is a great period tracker and an even greater social platform because there is the ‘community poll’ where women ask questions get answers, post updates from their lives and usually get positive responses. It’s a do-good, feel-good app for women and it is amazing.

A few weeks ago, a woman put up a picture of a sign that originally read “Boys Will Be Boys” but she had crossed the last ‘Boys’ and wrote (with her very commanding red marker) “held accountable, just like girls!” Brilliant, right? Scrolling through the comments, however, I could tell that not all women agreed or understood why she did what she did and why it was necessary, especially in this period of learning and unlearning. One lady was especially hurt by this and, amongst other things, said the phrase is fine because boys are wired a certain way.

No.

Yesterday, in Nigeria, a 14-year-old girl, Obiamaka, was gang-raped till she died by a group of boys around her age. Why? Because she had turned down their advances sometime earlier. Now, this attack did not come out of the blue. Obiamaka had told her mother about their threats and her mother played it down by saying “boys will be boys.” Her daughter is dead now. Gang-raped, gagged and left soaking in a pool of her own blood.

Boys are not ‘wired’ a certain way. Saying this is basically saying they are conditioned by society to exhibit harmful behaviours and there will be no repercussions because, you know, they’re just boys being boys.There is an alarming number of men roaming the streets, committing crimes, feeling entitled to women’s bodies and unable to handle rejection because (1) we have failed to raise emotionally intelligent men and (2) they have grown up hearing that corrosive line as an excuse for all bad behaviour.

Mum: “Lamar, come down from that tree!”

Lamar: “No!” *continues to climb*

Mum|Dad|Family & Friends: “Hahaha, boys will be boys.”

Figure of authority: “John, don’t pull that girl’s skirt.”

John: *goes on pulling girls’ skirts*

Everyone around him: “Loool boys will be boys.”

Boy: *attempts to rape a girl in high school*

Everyone: “It wasn’t attempted rape, it’s just a boy being a boy, HAHAHAHAHA BOYS WILL BE BOYS.” — true story by the way.

I know there are people who will take offence at this tirade and if you are one of them, as well as needing to know that this phrase is harmful, you also need to understand why. For years, this phrase has been uttered by people who have refused to hold boys accountable for all the things they did. They just didn’t want to deal with it. It used to excuse poor behaviour from boys. It is used as an excuse when a boy rapes a girl and it is used as an excuse when boys are disobedient, not only when they decide to rough-house or climb a few trees.

The previous generation may have accepted it but we should absolutely not condone it. Women have been raped, burnt, pushed in front of moving trains and more, by men who could not handle their feelings being hurt. They could not stand being turned down by women so much they kill them and society will permit it because boys will be boys, right?

Welcome to a place where words matter. On Medium, smart voices and original ideas take center stage - with no ads in sight. Watch
Follow all the topics you care about, and we’ll deliver the best stories for you to your homepage and inbox. Explore
Get unlimited access to the best stories on Medium — and support writers while you’re at it. Just $5/month. Upgrade