The Tao of “Anyhowness”

The true path to Jaga Jaga

“Chaos isn’t a pit. Chaos is a ladder. Many who try to climb it fail and never get to try again. The fall breaks them. And some are given a chance to climb, but they refuse. They cling to the realm, or the gods, or love. Illusions. Only the ladder is real. The climb is all there is.” — Petyr Baelish “lord littlefinger”, Game of Thrones

“Giant of Africa”

If you have not heard the good news already, I will repeat it again — “Nigeria is now Africa’s largest economy” — we are now truly Africa’s giant many thanks to “rebasing”. Eat your hearts out South Africans, bow down Ghanaians.

We have achieved this unbelievable feat in spite of having a full-blown war in the North East (of which we are in denial), a severely dysfunctional governance model and infrastructure meant for a country 50 times smaller.

One perfect term that has been used to describe the situation in Nigeria is “Anyhowness”. Don’t bother to search for it in the dictionary as it is not there, we invented it. The closest term you will find is “Chaos.”

Contrary to what most believe, there is a predisposition of all things in the Cosmos towards order. There are patterns, symmetry and evolution then there is chaos. There is a pattern to creating chaos and a motive for creating “Anyhowness”.

I believe it will be good for all other countries aspiring to the lofty heights we have attained in Nigeria to learn Anyhowness properly. To encourage this, we have created “The Tao of Anyhowness”.

The principles are below:

“Wetin Concern Me?”

This is the foundation of “Anyhowness”. Not giving a damn about anything or anyone. It should start from the bottom and must go all the way to the top. If it does not affect you personally, your family or your ethnic group you should not give a damn about consequences. The future will always take care of itself and if all fails there is “the babalawo” (Voodoo Man) or “the pastor” to make corrections

“Pass Your Neighbour”

Your greatest enemy on earth is your neighbor. You are under no circumstances meant to be their keeper. Your single purpose in life is to be better than your neighbor in all things and it is your god given right to flaunt that reality. You can do this everywhere from church or other places of worship to the street. You must let your backup electricity generator exhaust fumes pollute their houses.

“Remain in Denial”

“Enemies” cause every bad thing in this world and some of them transform into creatures that fly at night. Do not accept personal responsibility for anything, you must rightly blame the enemies or subversive forces. You can occasionally acknowledge that they are present in your family or work circles but do not worry, prayer will solve everything. If prayer does not work, try tweeting or hash tags.

Kill everything”

Everything that is progressive and threatens status quo is bad and they must be eliminated. Kill education or support those who want to. Kill dreams and dreamers, bomb them with parcel bombs or send assassination squads to finish them off.

“Do what thou wilt”

Aleister Crowley a renowned occultist who most believe was Satan reincarnated made this quote popular. It is the ultimate expression and manifestation of “Anyhowness”. There is no consequence to anything especially when you have ensured that the judiciary is powerless. Corrupt everything and everyone then wallow in the dark rewards of anyhowness.

We have given away too many secrets. There are more of these wisdoms but we have just realized that you may also learn and become great like us! That is not acceptable. We must remain the Anyhow Giants of Africa.

In the meantime, enjoy our movies and our music while we continue with our chaos in progress. Sing along to the lyrics of Eedris Abdulkarim below — Nigeria Jaga Jaga