On the Sidelines
I pulled up to a beautiful house, the driveway lined with cars, and awkwardly walked up to the door all by myself. I had been invited to a West Alabama FCA’s coaches’ wives Minis-tea event and ended up coming alone. I’m not a stranger to attending events alone. So much so that others have commented on how weird it is. It is weird, but how do you build community or learn something new if you allow fear to keep you from going and meeting new people or hearing a good word? I experienced both at this event and am so grateful that the women associated with West Alabama FCA took the first step in faith to begin to gather coaches’ wives in the area to create a community that can support each other.
The rooms were filled with wives from all different sports, administration, high school, and college. We played a Bingo game and had to find women who could sign off the squares. What struck me was that the questions weren’t all about the husband’s job, but specifically about what made each one of us unique. Where we worked, how many kids, how many moves, how many seasons, level of education, types of jobs, the game brought up conversations about us not just about our husbands or their jobs. Wives of sports can often lose their identity to become just the “coach’s wife.” This created a space to build relationships with not just fellow coaches’ wives but wives who have a faith focus.
“Being a coach’s wife is hard.” These were the words that my husband chose to include in his marriage proposal. Well, he was right. One thing that stood out to me at the event was when Shonda Guthrie asked us if anyone had been raised in a coaching family. Only one woman raised her hand. This fostered a conversation about how many of us are required to fully adjust to a lifestyle that really wasn’t on our radar in college or during the early days of our careers when we fell in love with the quarterback, pitcher, starting forward, or the coach in town. Shonda shared that never experiencing the coaching lifestyle requires much adjustment. It impacts more than just the marriage, it affects extended family, it is a foreign concept to friends who have husbands working a normal nine to five job, it makes things feel a little lonely for the wife faithfully cheering from behind the bench but struggling to juggle the overwhelm of family life.
This is why a community of women is necessary to thrive as a coach’s wife. Sure, there are Facebook groups, social media influencer accounts, conferences to gather us together or get us chatting. But what about a group of women who are like-minded in their faith that can come together in person? It can be a blessing to see all types of wives share stories or experiences that you may have had, but if there is no faith-based encouragement or mindset, is the community really benefitting you for the good? This is why I’m so thankful that FCA is present in our area and on our campus because that means people are investing in coaches and by extension helping coaching families.
When coaching becomes the calling it isn’t a job for one. It is a ministry for a family. When we marry a coach, their calling becomes ours in some way and identity can take a sharp turn from what we dreamt of when we were younger. But the beauty of this sharp turn is that it propels us into a purpose that only God could have foreseen and that we have been hand-picked to accomplish. This purpose isn’t meant to be run alone, we are called in Hebrews 10:24 to “spur one another on to love and good works.” Because of this, we need other people in the same type of calling or lifestyle that know Jesus and can share encouragement that they may have learned from scripture, from their own personal story, or even may have received from someone else.
If you are a coach’s wife and need a community of women living the same purpose, don’t miss the chance to come to an FCA event that includes wives. Attend one of their marriage conferences in your off-season, connect with your area FCA to see if other wives have events or meet-ups. If you really need this community and there isn’t an option, create it yourself. Don’t go it alone, find a way to reach out and ask for help or offer help. Build that community of support in your life that will always understand what you mean and can provide you with the encouragement you need in the season you are in.
