Dear Love,

I woke up early that morning. Unaware of what news would change my life forever. As I sat up in my bed feeling uneasy, uncomfortable and tense, I tried to focus on reading. I felt as if I may be coming down with something or maybe my insomnia had worked overtime last night making it difficult for me to get some much needed rest. Suddenly my phone rang, a chime only consistent with that of a video chat app. I picked up the phone only to see a familiar profile of a friend of mine. Unaware of the news she would soon share, I answered, curious as to why she was calling so early. Reluctantly I answered the call.

From the other end of the line I heard the words HE IS GONE. Only to sit there in silence for a bit. Shortly after I could feel my throat growing hot and my heart began to pound in my chest. Moments later, I felt myself let out a terrifying scream. My first love had officially taken a one way trip to Heaven and there was nothing I could do about it. I hung up the phone, walked into the bathroom and curled up on the floor in a ball. I lay there alone, sobbing as my children remained fast asleep, or so I thought.

My daughter appeared in the entrance of the bathroom. She sat there watching me, laying there soaked in a pool of my own tears and curled up in a ball.

“Mama?”….

Nothing… no sound left my mouth. I couldn’t figure out what to say to her or how to say it. Finally, I decided it was only fair to tell her the truth. After all she was 9, mature for her age and very concerned.

“He is Gone,” I replied with a whisper.

“Who mama?” my daughter replied.

“Deandre….” I answered.

I could see my daughters face change colors before my very eyes. She looked as if someone had drained her butterscotch-toned skin of its color. Tears began to fall from her face and she began to bawl. I crawled over to her and put my arms around her. He had treated her like a Princess from the moment he met her, as she grew in my stomach he would talk to her and play music for her, and sometimes even tell her jokes. Though not related, he never allowed such a title to stop him from claiming her or her brother as his children. We just sat there, stunned, creating a puddle of tears on the bathroom floor. This was day one….