My friend, Anxiety: 5 Steps I use to overcome and take control of my life.

Ashanta Kelly
Sep 1, 2018 · 6 min read

“You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn how to surf” — Jon Kabat-Zinn


It’s no secret that hundreds of millions of people struggle with anxiety everyday. It’s the high strung, worrying friend that we can’t seem to get away from. Who reminds us constantly that we can’t do something and that we aren’t good enough. Day in and day out controlling our minds, actions, and lives.

It doesn’t help that today’s society is ruled by social media, which brings on constant comparison and judgement of one another. Leaving our minds running in circles around our self image or lack there of.

For a while I looked at anxiety as most do — a plague that just can’t be cured. I often found myself trapped in a never ending cycle of worry, panick, and a crippling fear. My breathing patterns were often short or nonexistent. I was always going to the store, ending up sitting in the car contemplating reasons on why I shouldn’t go in. At my lowest point, like many, I had excommunicated all of my friends and only had time for anxiety and depression.

It was one day that I was having one of those sit in the car moments that I realized I had hit rock bottom. Which at that point, rock bottom seemed like the top. That is when I decided I had enough. Instead of continuing to spiral down this path, I was going to befriend and learn to love my anxiety. I will admit, that for a second I thought I was completely losing my mind thinking that I could learn to love my anxiety. Who does that? But I was determined to break it down to its core and figure out why it was controlling me, learn from it and take back my life. In order to do that, I needed to have a positive outlook and learn to love my anxiety for all that it was.

After all was said and done,I developed 5 steps to completely stop my anxiety in its tracks and even prevent it from happening.

1. Admit to yourself that you can take control of your own mind.

This was by far one of the hardest steps to overcome throughout the process. So often,we lose sight of the control we have over our mind and body. Becoming prisoners to the anxiety and depression.

When I admitted to myself that I had the power within to not only stop my anxiety, but to learn from it, I felt a huge weight lift off of my chest. Perhaps it was the very weight that always made me feel like I couldn’t breathe. It gave me a sudden burst of self confidence that I was taking a step towards owning my life again.

2. Notice the physical and mental changes when you realize you are anxious.

It’s easy to get distracted and not notice when anxiety steps in and quickly takes over, especially when it is your everyday norm. It’s imparative that as soon as your mind registers you’re feeling anxious, you pay attention to what is going on inside and out. Do you sweat? Does your mind tell you that you can’t do it? Do you forget how to speak? For me, I always seem to stop breathing and the dam in my mind breaks, letting out all of the negative thoughts. Specifically, thoughts of other people judging me or that I am not good enough. What ever it may be, most of the time it’s fear that stems the anxiety. By starting to focus on what was happening, I could see the reoccurring patterns. Being able to step outside myself and look at what anxiety was causing, made me feel even more in control. This took quite some time to master because after all, I was building positive new habits. After honing in on the effects that anxiety had on my mind and body then I could move forward.

3. Figure out where it is coming from.

Almost 100% percent of the time, anxiety derives from fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of judgment, fear of rejection, or whatever fear you subconsciously have in the moment. Although all of the steps are important in their own way, this is by far the most crucial to overcome. When you can get down to the root of a problem and see where it comes from, you gain power to find a solution. This is exactly what I did. I came to understand that most of my anxiety was forming from the. The fear of being judged and rejected by society. Many millineals will relate to this because we are so involved with social media. I had lost my sense of self worth making it easy for anxiety to consume me. Again, by realizing this I began to feel even more in control. I was able to step in and say to myself, “you’re only feeling this way because you’re in fear and there’s nothing to be afraid of.” The reality is, if someone where to judge or reject me, it wouldn’t matter. I am still good enough. Each step of affirmation led me to quickly gain back my strength within myself. On a personal level, everyone’s fear trigger is different. Finding the root of it is the most important step of overcoming it. I used a journaling method to write everything out and then coming up with alternative positive thoughts.

4. Using new language and breathing techniques to counteract the anxiety.

So here I am in the moment, facing anxiety. I’ve admitted I am in control, noticed the physical and mental changes that occurred, and I’ve figured out where it came from. Now I needed to reverse it. Being that my fear is of judgement and rejection, I used words of self affirmation to deflect my anxiety. Reminding myself of all of the positive things I stand for and how great of a person I am. Complimenting myself on all of my unique features I previously thought were less appealing. At first, it was hard because it felt like I was forcing false perceptions of myself. After that, I would take 5 deep 4 count breathes to bring my body back to calmness. (Inhale for 4 sec.,Hold for 4 sec., Inhale for 4 sec., and Exhale slow for 8 sec.) I learned this technique during yoga and after practicing, it worked without fail. I did this as long as it took in order for me to start feeling better in the moment. After continually practicing this step, it became a daily habit. I eventually started believing everything I was saying, just like I believed everything anxiety was telling me before. The days seemed to be getting brighter. I was starting to maneuver throughout the weeks with ease. No matter what your fear is, you can find the solution to prove it wrong. Do what you have to do for you and know that you deserve it.

5. Recognize what anxiety has done for you and know that you have won.

This step is the ultimate reward. It’s when you realize that you are who you truly think you are. A powerful, self-loving, and perfectly imperfect human being. It’s the decision to believe that you are in control of your life. I always take a second at the end of using this strategy and thank anxiety for all that it has done for me. At first you might think, “what has anxiety ever done for me but ruin my life?”. The answer is, it forced you to learn how to master your own thoughts and therefore your mind resulting in mastering your life. You may find that silly but there’s nothing better than thanking your enemy for teaching you to be a better you. By committing to these steps and creating a system, you have gained the power to win one small battle at a time. Moments that used to seem like they would never end become replaced by experiences of feeling free.


It’s been 3 years now that I’ve befriended my anxiety and started mastering my life. Not to say that there aren’t moments where I get overwhelmed, but I quickly turn to this system and relieve myself within a few minutes. You too can figure out your own way to save yourself from the cycle. YOU ARE NOT YOUR ANXIETY. YOU ARE YOU.

Ashanta Kelly

Written by

Somewhere between deep thinker and over analyzer. I am in love with the art of self improvement, wine, and books that speak for themselves.

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