Let go and Move On
There are times we are stuck in a moment and getting out just exhausts us. Yes, I am talking about Relationship Adversities. We love someone so much, we forget to love ourselves and that one person becomes our whole world. When that person leaves, it takes its toll on us. We suffer, we cry and get stuck in loops of anger and grief. The one thing we really forget to take care of is ourselves. Isn’t that too cruel? I have been in this situation recently and believe me it emptied me to the point where I questioned my own existence. I cut myself off from the outer world trying to figure out myself and ways to get out of this misery. There were days when I wanted to run away from everything, even my own shadow. Whilst this personal conflict was going on, where was that very person I loved? Nowhere to be found. This reality hit me hard and I just knew I had to accept this fact for my own benefit. So on the journey from dark to light, I understood that everyone is a pebble and the picture-perfect.
Imagine a lot of pebbles of same size, color and shape. All you have to do is pick one pebble and take it everywhere. After sometime it is certain to have some connection with that pebble. Now, if that pebble is taken away from you; you are definitive of getting all upset. Although it will be for lesser time as compared to the heart break. Attachments!
If you carefully analyze this situation what do you find? If you think about your past relationships, it was always you and not the pebble. All the pebbles were of same characteristics and yet you chose one and gave a place in your life. You adored it, loved it and whatnot. Similarly there are thousands of people out there with same characteristics and you will find your pebble! The person you loved left and a better person will take their place. Understand, it was always you and it will be always you. All the good memories you had would not have been possible without you. So if you did it once, you can do it again. If you loved someone once, you can love someone else again. The person was just a medium to get all the good out of you and for you. Your happiness should not come from your pebble but it should come from you.
Many times you think about that one person. This thought is motivated from the good moments we had with that person and this makes us believe that there will never be as perfect person than him/her. These thoughts specially include “What he/she must be doing right now”; “Is he/she happy”; ”Does he/she think about me”. The reality my friend is there is no end to perfection and there is nothing perfect!! Our mind projects the thoughts, which it is most comfortable with and when reality strikes we get hurt. The thought is about the perfect picture of how good the person was with us.
Remind yourself the past is no longer related to reality. Accept it. The person changed and is no longer with you and is not good for you; then why to think about them. In this perfect picture of him/her, always add up the new details you found about them. The details how you were cheated, betrayed, hurt and left alone. Once you add up all this to the perfect picture, you’ll never get hurt again! You’ll start thinking that the bad happened for good and things begin to change.
Truth is when we miss someone, our thoughts tends to focus only on the pleasant times and not on the horrid times and the dogmas; and you feel upset. If you combine all the characteristics of that person, you’ll no longer miss that person. By constantly correcting the perception you have with the actuality of that person, pretty soon you’ll be conditioned not to miss that person. Realize your worth, learn to let go and make space for someone better. Remember you have you and love yourself for you are a fighter.
The tree that never had to fight
for sun and sky and air and light,
but stood out in the open plain
and always got its share of rain,
never became a forest king
but lived and died a scrubby thing.
Good timber does not grow with ease:
The stronger wind, the stronger trees;
the further sky, the greater length;
the more the storm, the more the strength
by sun and cold, by rain and snow,
in trees and men good timbers grow.
- Douglas Malloch