Living in Survival


How is it that we can go from living life to its fullest, feeling elated, enamored, full of gratitude, in love with it all and then in a moment some tragedy strikes sending us into a downward spiral of pain, numbness, begging, barganing leaving us in a state of apathy and left barely holding on, merely surviving?
In these moments of desperation I’ve found that I have to convince myself daily, that tomorrow is going to be better. Tomorrow I’ll spend more time with the ones I love. Tomorrow I’ll take time to pour into them because by then I’ll be full again. Tomorrow I will be able to stop surviving and it will be the day I find my joy, it will be the day I start living again. Tomorrow.
But then I think.. what if tomorrow never comes for the ones I love? I mean what if it does for me but something happens to one of them on one of my down days and I don’t express my love and apprecation for them? What if I don’t take that chance in the moments of barely surviving to live, to enjoy, to thrive, to laugh, to make them smile, to make them feel alive and inspired. What if I spend so much time surviving because of the environment that I’m in and the negative people or circumstances that surround me and that causes me to miss out on the ones that love me?
Why is it that we give so much power to the storm instead of just relocating our minds, our emotions, stepping out of the environment causing us to be in survival mode. Why is it that we allow the negative to overpower the positive? Why is it that we give so much energy all the wrong people and things? Why is it that with growth comes struggle and pain? Why is it so easy to give in to all the negative emotions yet such a difficult challenge to allow in the positive when the negative envelopes us? Why is it that weakness can happen in a moments notice but strength takes time and effort? Maybe without the negative it’s impossible to appreciate the positive. Maybe we have to go through the struggle, the storm to appreciate the paradises in life.
Maybe this is why; for it is only after wandering in a desert with no food, no water, no shelter that when you finally reach an oasis can you can truly genuinely, fully appreciate it in a way you never would have without the hunger, the longing and desire, the fear and the fight for survival. Because only in that moment do we feel unbridaled gratitude, a pure rush of raw emotion and the complete embrace towards life. It is no longer about placing one weary foot in front of the other, taking one ragged breath after another, wondering am I going to make, it is this all there is to life.
Those thoughts are gone and suddenly we have a new apprecation for things that we took for granted, little moments with our children, our friends and family, our dreams and goals, even the things that seemed so overwhelming and negative, the screaming child in the middle of the night, the grudges being held between friends, the petty irritations between you and your loved ones, they all dissolve into a feeling of gratitude.
Maybe that’s why we have to face these battles of life. So that when we look back we can see in our moments of fight for survival many fears were overcome, strength was built our courage defined, lines were drawn in the sand showing us where not to go again. What was once a struggle is now another part of our journey. Maybe it is has less to do with surviving the day to day and more about embracing life moment by moment, finding joy through the pain. Maybe its all about finding faith and showing love despite the struggle and that is when surviving becomes living again.
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