Thoughts of failure

Before starting my own venture I was a simple mechanical engineer with a mix of average grades, a 2 weeks certification in Catia V5 and yes, an impulsively extrovert nature of conversation skills. Now I’ve added quite a versatile ones to my profile, still I fail many times. I know I don’t write good and one will find a lot of misplaced words and punctuations. I hope the readers would pardon me as this is my first write up on anything.

It has been not just 2 simple years but 1051200 minutes of the struggle that I could have easily avoided in any other job as an employee. Though I don’t regret the choice but the thoughts of failure still haunt me in different versions. With time I’ve learned to digest more and plan big, so I say, with more experience, come bigger problems. Ineffective planning and immature team further takes it through an exponential rise, and when the time comes we think we understand the core, we are left alone with a damaged soul, emptied bank balance, a few legal cases and a lot of debt to pay. In some cases we create some so called assets, but they too look of no value now when the soul is damaged.

I am an emotional person and my words would support it. I was very much impressed from a speaker at TED, the video I saw 2 years back, when the he brought forth the idea of connecting to people within the company. He said if we as leaders show our people the the vision and help them in every step of their failure while achieving it, they’ll feel connected to us. They’ll work with their trust on us and when this happens they ‘ll work with their sweat and blood for the company. I too created such environment, it worked for some and failed for many. I doubt my leadership for this. But yes it made me better judge of human resource for the company. And mind it, there’s no successful venture without a talented pool of its people, be it the core team or staffed ones.

Bangalore recently stood fourth in the category of most VC funded start up hubs globally. And only top 2% start ups proves to attract funding in India. So what about the rest of them..? I don’t know. But the past two years of journey made me more resistant to stop. The thought of failure combined with my urge to solve problems rather proved to be an asset. It made me versatile person. Though my key skill set is more into marketing and business development activities, but I can now understand a lot of other peripheral elements. And with time I’ve sharpen the skills.

But this was always me and only me in the company. I became a keen learner and took most of the things under my supervision, even though I had a partner, he’s an MBA. This made me a jack of all trades, but in a start up environment we need to master, not all but certain niche skills. I failed to keep all strings attached. Some time or the other we came across new and bigger problems. I realize now, I was overambitious and not carefully patient.

After scrutinizing all thoughts again today, I’ve realized that I was not a part of my start up, rather It was an extension of me, although there’s a mess of problems still around me. After having experienced all these things, I’m now not suited for any conventional job profiles in the industry. And if I’ll be, I fear my attitude wont match to the job role. I must stand again and sort out the problems. For me, for the people who’ve believed in me, for the vision and most importantly for the company. I cannot leave it, not now or ever as it has always been me.