Mind your busy-ness

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Choosing a lot of things is like not choosing at all.

It’s really, really hard. Every time anyone ask you something you’d like to be kind and polite. Say yes. Be flexible and be generous with your time. Really be ‘there’ for that person and be a good friend, boyfriend, child or colleague.

But honestly… How many times the last month did you say yes to something that didn’t feel good or that you honestly didn’t want to do? How many times did you show up for a meeting, after work, workout session or coffee when you’d rather be somewhere else or doing something else?

Last week I read an article published by a Swedish research team regarding mental illness. In the article a word that’s only existed for some 10-ish years, “exhaustion depression”, has been investigated to figure out how it appears and how it could be treated. We all know that mental illness is widely spread and someone around us, including ourselves, might have or are suffering from this. According do Shawn Achor at Harvard the onset age of depression 50 years ago was around the age of 28. Today young people are being invited into our mental diseases at the age of 14.5 years.

The researchers have seen what usually happens before you get exhaustion depression. The person often had a life like others; with friends, community, training and normal sleep.

“When the pressure from work becomes to strong you start sleeping less, continuously cut down on relations like not inviting people home for dinner. “You might even stop exercising” says Marie Åsberg, doctor at Karolinska Institutet.”

“In the end it’s only the job left.”

We’re suffering from being the most flexible, courteous, yes-saying and maybe
distracted humans ever.

I’ll write four different articles on the subject the following months. Four thoughts and things I’ve learned and discussed these subjects throughout my years with psychologists, life hackers, philosophers and people that just seem to get the thing of living a wholehearted life.

Choosing a lot of things is like
not choosing at all.

It’s all the possibilities and all the might’s that keep us distracted. We have invitations to different events, meet-up’s, dinners, breakfasts, meetings, lunches, coffees and so on. If you’re an entrepreneur or manager then you have tons of other obligations and “shoulds” on top of that.

We’ve just had the time to get to one place before we have to go to another place and meet a new bunch of people. As soon as we’ve finished our lunch we’re starting to look at the watch to be sure to have time to get from place A to place B in right time. We might be there in body, but our mind is already planning the next step, next meeting or next hangout.

We’re spreading out or energy and focus asking our colleagues, dearest friends and family how they are. As long as the answer is ‘okay’ we can proceed to the next place. Maximizing our attention so it goes around for everyone. I’m not saying that we’re supposed to be other people’s psychologists, but I’d bet money that if we spent more attention on each other we would have less people eating anti-depressive and suffering from exhaustion depression.

When did we settle for being ‘okay’?

Say no more often. It’s an easy tip but harder to succeed with. I think it’s crucial for being creative, productive and aligned. This is not only when we run a business, but also how we live life. I know, the ego gets a boost and you feel important when people invite you and want to meet you. But honestly, how often is it that important that you just ‘had’ to go?

Choose the right opportunities. It’s not about maximizing all the opportunities; it’s about choosing the right ones and giving them time, patience, focus and all of your energy. Being in four different places with your thought and focus is like not being anywhere at all.

Be mindful of your time When it all ads up — time is probably the most important thing we have. It’s nothing that we can get back and it’s nothing that we can create. It’s just being present around us and we can choose what to do with it. And those choices add up to what we let into our lives. So being present and giving each other time is maybe the most precious gift we can give.

I’m not saying it’s going to be easy — but it’s going to be worth it.