A Speech to My Last Breath
When my mind and heart are about to explode, either crying or doing nothing is the best thing I can do. But doing nothing while staring at my ceiling is the most stressful phase I have ever faced.
My eyes are like dessert, begging to be poured by tears. My heart is like a phoenix, begging to arise from death from ashes.
When I cry, I spend my whole energy for most of the time to let out the pain I’ve been feeling for God knows how long. I only focus on picturing one thing: all the hurtful memories in my head. Nothing else.
But I think about many things from A to when I do nothing. My mistakes. My sins. My crimes. Compunction. Supposition — what if I leave this world behind? I know there are so many things I’d like to try and discover before I die. But just, what if…?
Would I be missed? Would people cry about my death? Would they send me their best prayer?
Would I already ask for forgiveness for those I ever hurt, still hurt, and have been hurting? Would they forgive me yet?
For so many reasons, I know my life is worth living. No matter how messy it is for the things I’ve done or for the things that are just … destined to be part of it. I learned so much from this fragile phrase, and I never want to blame someone who has intentionally hurt me for how my life is right now.
