Habitually disciplined.
One of the reasons I’m sought out for femdom is for my own ability to be disciplined with myself. For someone who seeks a loss of control, it can feel comforting to have a partner who’s otherwise in tune with her surroundings; who can control the ship when the seas get rough.
But, really, this supposed self-discipline is just a set of healthy habits I’ve incorporated to help keep me steady, like (trying to) get to bed early; early morning sunlight, even in the dead of winter; lots of walks and water; heavy weights and hot yoga; good food to keep me fueled and mentally sharp. In some cases, I crave or have learned to crave these things. In other instances, I simply do not give myself the choice to retreat into my “natural” proclivities unless I’ve earned it.
So when it comes to chronic masturbation, for example, or compulsive sexual thoughts and fantasies, it’s simply a well-worn pattern that is comfortable and familiar; a habit in itself. It only becomes a problem when the habit interferes — with other things we want to get done; with our goals; with the people we want to be.
Breaking bad habits, though, is not so simple. Often, these rituals are so deeply ingrained in us that we don’t even see them as that — habits; patterns; acts we perform often unconsciously — but as part of who we are; our DNA. They also are apt to increase dopamine, that feel-good chemical released in our brain that, over time, we need more of in order to feel the same high.
More stroking. More gooning. More lusting. More fucking. Making decisions that could potentially destroy our lives as we know them if we allow it (I’m looking at you, blackmail fetishists).
That’s why I don’t believe in the break, but the substitute: swapping out what we want now for what will serve us over the long haul. Then, and this is the trick, not allowing ourselves to have a choice in the matter when the internal temper tantrum inevitably occurs. The rules we set for ourselves eventually become the new habits we follow; these new habits then help shape and form other decisions, which lead to different sets of habits, and so on — the domino effect.
Until, of course, it feels too good to not give in, and our “Nos” sound more like, “Yes, please.”
