Living to Kill Time

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Chapter one

August third

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Aaron’s Perspective

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It’s just another day. Another cloudy, rainy, day. I personally love the rain. I love curling up with a book and listening to the rain splash against the roof as the thunder shakes the house.

Yet it was not a ordinary day to me. Every day was different, because things happen everyday. Whether it’s good things or bad things, it impacts me.

I feel like every time something happens to the world, it makes up how I act during the day.

If something bad happened, like there was an attack or a tornado that caused people to lose lives, I’m not okay. It feels like I’m holding the world on my shoulders, and everything horrible that happens to it makes it heavier; makes it a greater burden.

But if something good happens, like animals being saved or a lake being cleared of pollution, a little of the weight is taken off my shoulders, and I’m happy of how everyone in the world is getting long.

Some people call this being a mediator. Now the definition of mediator is one who mediates, and mediates mean occupying the middle. I had not understood this until there was an attack in Orlando at a gay club during pride months. Now I feel like this makes sense, because when I’m like this, I feel like I’m the world; in the middle of everything that’s going on. Which also means, I’m useless and unable to stop it.

Today was one of those days…. I was not okay. There had been an attack in central London, where a man stabbed and killed a woman, while also injuring five people. They are saying it was an act of terrorism. And this hurt me.

I don’t even live in London, but it felt like i had witnessed this. So, being a mediator, I felt every pain. I’m not okay, and I’m not alright.

I look away from my book and out the window to the dark night.

Even reading couldn’t distract me, from the impact of this world.

I jump at the beep of my phone.

I pick it up, and see it’s a text from my friend Fiona.

*texts*

Fiona: ‘Guessing you heard…’

Me: ‘ why are you guessing?’

Fiona: ‘you haven’t texted me. Or Jack.’

Me: ‘well, you guessed right.’

Fiona: ‘it’s not your fault. I don’t know why you are acting like this, like you’re the one who did it.’

Me: ‘I’ve told you before, I don’t know why I act like this either. I just feel what the world feels, like I’m impacted and hurt. And I can’t do anything to change it.’

Fiona: ‘is it getting bad again?’

Me: ‘ no. Fiona, I’m fine. I just need to think.

Fiona: ‘Okay. Aaron, me and Jack love you and care about you. It hurts us seeing you like this. But you can’t change this, stuff just happens.’

Me: ‘I know. I’ll talk to you later, I’m reading. Bye.

Fiona: ‘Bye.’

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I set my phone down, and put my face in hands. I feel overwhelmed by all the bad in the world. And how I can’t change it, cause I’m just a single voice, a microscopic dot in the universe; cause I am.

Times like this make me question humanity and life, and how we are all are just living to kill time.