Full Circle, Part 4
I owe so much to Julie Mancini, and I can’t believe she’s gone. She’s certainly been part of many of my Full Circle experiences since meeting her in 2003. Here’s what I wrote for the blog created by her son Peter. I hope you get a chance to read more stories about the remarkable ways she impacted the lives of so many.
Julie was the first person I had a “networking meeting” with when I was planning a move from Ashland to Portland in 2003. She was of course warm and inviting and so disarming to a young woman who was a bit scared to move to the big city. I also got to meet Carrie Hoops at the same meeting. What a great way to start your life in Portland!
I’d see Julie at community events all the time and developed quite a fondness for her. How could you not? She always made me laugh with her irreverent commentary at receptions. One thing I appreciated about her is how honest she was — zero pretense. We spoke openly about our respective mental health journeys. She was someone I could be honest with, and there was nothing to be ashamed about around Julie.
After 6 or so years living in Portland, the severity of my depression and anxiety was so debilitating that I chose to go to a psychiatric hospital in Arizona in 2009. That 30 day program was good, but it was entirely insufficient.
Shortly after I returned to Portland, I relapsed and ended up in an even worse place with suicidal depression and a psychiatrist who was mis-medicating me (that made the suicidality worse). I had to permanently leave my job at Stoel Rives, and my mom came out from Arkansas to stay with me for a while. I experienced a lot of shame that I had lost the “best” job I’d ever had (certainly the best paying one), and because so much of Portland flows through Stoel Rives, it wasn’t exactly easy to slip away without people knowing. I thought I’d never work again in Portland.
After several months of attending an Intensive Outpatient Program at St. Vincent’s and working with an excellent psychiatrist who got me off the nasty medications and onto the right ones, I was able to do things like go to the grocery store without as much fear. But I had no idea how I would ever get back to work. My brain just didn’t work the same way anymore. I thought very slowly…and too much input was overwhelming.
This was about the time that Julie and Megan were opening the Action Center for Mercy Corps, and Julie offered me an easy volunteer job as a way of getting out of the house. Tracy Kidder was coming to the Action Center for a kick off event. It was a ticketed event with limited space, but at the time, there wasn’t any kind of online ticketing option, so people had to call in to make a reservation and give their credit card number over the phone. It was the easiest job I’d ever been assigned, but given the state of my brain, it was still anxiety provoking. I took phone calls, chatted with some people I knew, and typed their credit card number into an Excel spreadsheet — probably something that would have given the Mercy Corps finance/legal folks a heart attack if they’d known I was doing it that way.
I went into the Action Center office for a few days which gave me a chance to ride the bus downtown (something I did daily before being hospitalized) and walk through the Skidmore Fountain area to see Julie and Megan. It was good practice to be social again, but only for a few hours at a time. I even got to attend the Kidder event, too, and probably even talked to people…something new for me at that time.
Thanks to that simple opportunity that Julie gave me, I slowly got my life back on track, volunteering for other things around town. I eventually worked up the courage to start consulting early in 2011. I worked on a few small projects for nonprofits and clean energy companies — but on my own terms as I rebuilt my professional muscles. In the coming years, I went on to get 2 full time jobs each with increasing responsibility. Through each job, I got stronger, and Julie and I, of course, stayed in touch. We even took each other to Cafe Nell for Valentine’s Day Dinner several years ago. We drove the servers crazy because we wanted to keep talking, and they wanted to turn the table as fast as possible. I finally got to meet Dennis when he picked her up after dinner. We agreed we’d never go out on the town on Valentine’s Day ever again.
In 2017, I co-founded a nonprofit business organization that grew to over 400 members and successfully advocated for tens of millions of dollars in relief for small businesses throughout Oregon in 2020–21. None of this would have been possible had Julie not given me a chance back in 2010 when I was terrified that I’d never work again. The last time she called me was over Memorial Day Weekend 2022 after I’d shared our 5th Birthday Party video with her. I was so excited to see her name on my phone. “That video is fucking amazing,” she said. “I am so proud of you.”
Thank you so much, Julie. I miss you.
