Side X vs. Side B

Ashley Lynn Roque
Sep 1, 2018 · 3 min read

It’s much easier for me to deal with people who are side X (completely against homosexuality) than those who are side B (folks who believe one can be LGBT but do not act on it — i.e. have sex.)

Side X preaches that LGBT people cannot be Christians and that they will face judgement and eternal hell when they die.

Side B preaches that you can be gay and a Christian but you can not get married for marriage is between a man and woman.

For the sake of providing some relief, Sid A is fully affirming and fully inclusive of LGBT people of faith, affirming their religious experiences and romantic partnerships, especially in marriage (if so desired).

Personally, it is much easier to deal with side X people than those who are side B because at least I know where I stand. Side X people are anti-gay and it has nothing to do with me. They had their beliefs long before I stepped into the church and they will have them long after I am gone. It’s not personal. It’s not specific or a result of anything I’ve done. The judgement goes out to anyone who agrees with Will and Grace and who hires a homosexual to plan their wedding. It’s dangerous because you know exactly what you are in for, if you decide to join, participate in fellowship or “do life” with people who think like this they will eventually kick you out. It’s not up for debate. This kind of clarity, as scary as it seems, provides for me some sort of safety.

Side B is toxic and I find this toxicity much more challenging to deal with. In my experience, those who are side B are not very forthcoming. They enjoy the company and the friendship (and the services) of LGBT people but they don’t succumb to the pressure of having to really say anything about it. Until the wedding invitation comes. Then the decision has to be made — are they for or against you. Never mind how many laughs you’ve shared or how you’ve helped them through a difficult time. Someone will take their photo. They will be seen with these people and people will judge them with the same closed minded bigotry that they judge you and quite frankly — that’s too much to deal with.

Side B people, as well meaning as they are, as much compassion I might have for their personal tension over this issue is (because it’s always about them), they can’t affirm something they ultimately think is wrong — which is ultimately side X.

The affection of side B people waxes and wanes with different circumstances making this whole issue VERY personal to the LGBT individual. People we come to love us and who enter our lives, who intertwined ours with theirs, become the very ones who feel so “conflicted” over our sex lives and cannot justify our intimate connections, no matter how much they love us. These kinds of experiences have lead me to tragically question if I am indeed, doing something wrong and it’s terrible.

It’s toxic.

And dangerous.

It’s not okay.

People who are side B (and who are straight) need to come to the realization that there is nothing about our lives that they need to affirm, accept or include. We aren’t something to debate over. To see the crux of this issue through your lens and not ours is to continue to put your homophobia to the forefront. Being side B vs. side X proves that you know something is wrong in condemning us to hell for who we love. It proves that you know of the immorality in sending people to conversion camps or programs. Remaining side B is simply evidence of how deep your homophobia runs.

My suggestion? Seek help with working through your homophobia and stop using our lives as your means of dealing with it — as simply disputable matters and debates.

Ashley Lynn Roque

Written by

@ashleylroque Independent filmmaker > Feminist Theology