Changes are never ending. We are constantly growing.

So me and Chase. that didn’t last long. Should have seen it coming. But I thought I would be in Kamloops a year from now. I have now been living in Kamloops for over a month. Still stressed but happy. Still confused about life and what to do but happy. Whenever I feel down I look at the mountains here and I cant help but cant believe i’m here. Yes, I did start dating again too. Met Alex. Great guy. Really is. We will see where life takes me with him. But no stress to that relationship. What happens will happen. I did recently lose my job at Cora’s though. Never got let go from a job before. So I’m again looking for work. Hopefully something comes up soon. It made me think a lot today. I had a lot of time to myself today. I went and bought a journal to write and collect my thoughts. Not really to look back on, but more to just have me write my thoughts out so they arn’t bottling up. I don’t want to vent to Alex because he has his life together. I feels really weird to be around him. He’s an Engineer and a fairly accomplished one too. Owns his own home that due to renting it out, is paying for itself. I cant even fathom that. More and more i’m starting to realize with many situations in my life I have a commitment issue with certain situations. not being able to fully dive in. So much doubt within myself. Lack of belief in myself. Fear has overtaken me a lot and its tough to break free. best I cant do is push forward in baby steps and keep moving. Priority at the moment now is to find work. Then I have been pondering my options towards my life goal which i’m still figuring out. But more and more i’m realizing that i’m most passionate about the mountains and what’s possible within them. Now the University here TRU offers the best adventure studies course in canada. ACMG recommends them for certified guiding courses to become a mountian guide or guide in general for mountian activites. Now the stress with that is how to manage work life, school life, student loans or not. So many options and not sure which to choose. Hopefully the next time I write things will be heading back up hill. Kamloops is the land of the hills. :)

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