Communicating Effectively

Love on Purpose, How to make your love intentional, deliberate, and on purpose.

Part of my biggest problem with communicating, I feel is an issue for many women in my life. We think that people should just get it. Especially our significant others. We don’t want to have to tell them certain things, we want them to care enough to just know. Well ladies, that is just not the case! It may be for someone, I’m sure out there in this universe. But as for my relationships and that of many of my friends, men aren’t mind readers!

We will have all these issues with things and just bottle them up inside waiting for him to understand our body language or facial expression and lovelies, we will be waiting forever! I had to learn how to speak up about the things that I wanted or the things that made me uncomfortable. One of the biggest mistakes that I would make in my relationship would be in the moments where he asked me “What’s wrong?” and I would say “nothing.” That is such a huge mistake. Why? Because nine times out of ten, it would be something. I notice that if I think a feeling of mine is not valid, I have a hard time voicing it. I have learned that it is okay to have feelings and really the only way to work through them is to talk about them. But we don’t have to feel like our feelings are fact as Myleik Teele often says. But the only way to sort them out and find out what’s real and what’s not is to express them in a safe environment.

I would just hold all my feelings in until I felt like I had the chance to let it out and then it would turn into such a big spill. I would be pouring out things that happened months ago because I was just suppressing them instead of going through them. But if I would have just discussed it when asked, we probably could have gotten through it a lot quicker and without all the drama.

Now I don’t want to confuse you because I said that sometimes you have to work through the emotions first before you actually bring an issue to your partner. That is true. But in communicating effectively, you have the opportunity to say “I am a little upset about something, but I just want to take a second so that I am not speaking out of anger.” BOOM! You have still effectively communicated something to your partner without saying “nothing” and leaving them in the dark.

Excerpt from Love on Purpose, the 2nd book from author and writer Ashley M. Coleman of

“So many of us are searching for the fairytale not knowing what it really means to be in the trenches of love. I’ll never forget talking to my husband when we were dating and hearing him say ‘Love is a choice.’ It was contrary to everything I thought I knew about love. For so long it was all about how love made you feel and not about the important decisions we make every day to believe the best, to be kind and to compromise. Love is a verb, we have to act on it to truly see it manifest ”

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