There’s No Such Thing as a Perfect Relationship

We Think we know but we have no idea.

Ashley M. Coleman
Jul 5, 2017 · 4 min read

Surprise! There is no such thing as a perfect relationship. Although the elevator-gate should have been our first indication, it seems we needed even more proof. So we got “Lemonade” and “4:44” and now our lives are in shambles because one of the most highly revered couples outside of Barack and Michelle have revealed some of their scars. But as special as Beyonce and Jay Z are in music and their entrepreneurial endeavors, they’re just not that special when it comes to relationship issues.

Who hasn’t had a sibling attempt to physically harm a boyfriend or husband at one point or another? Okay, I haven’t necessarily had that experience, but the point is that I’m sure we’ve all had our share of drama when it comes to relationships. Why is it that we expect anything different from our fave celebs? Some have gone so far as to label Jay Z’s confessions “the abuse that we endure as women.” And sure, we go through a lot, but hearing stories of a man who didn’t realize what he had just sounds like growing pains to me. We as women have them too even if they manifest differently than say an urge to cheat. And we are labeling this abuse without even knowing the full story. Just from listening to 10 tracks. I am certain that there is a ton of abusive behavior happening in various relationships, but I think we unfairly judge situations without the whole truth.

Where do we get off thinking that relationships should only come together after both people have all their ducks in a row, have successfully dealt with their baggage, and are well on their way to becoming millionaires? That sounds wonderful but it’s not realistic. Many of us have tons of growing to do even after we say, I do. The luckiest ones are those that can somehow continue to grow in tandem with their partner. Fighting to become who you need to be in the trenches with that other person is often what builds the bond that we envy.

In my own marriage, I absolutely adore and love my husband but with the complete understanding of his imperfection and mine too. It doesn’t mean that we don’t have standards to adhere to but that we can talk things out when something may be out of alignment. The reality is, that’s the most important aspect of a relationship. Things are going to happen. We are going to take one another for granted, we are going to hurt each other’s feelings (most often unintentionally, sometimes intentionally). But it’s the moment when we stop talking to each other that things begin to head south. You cannot put two imperfect people together and expect perfection. But the key is maintaining very realistic expectations in the process and being able to communicate those expectations effectively to your partner.

There is a stark difference between the things that are completely unhealthy for us. Please don’t misunderstand me. But I fear that if we were a fly on the wall in many of the relationships that we admire, we would see some things we don’t like. It’s such a reality. It’s the struggle of waking up every day to deal with your own stuff and also having to invite another person into that struggle. It’s not easy is all I’m saying and it’s hard to have a self-righteous attitude when it comes to these things for me. I have screwed things up. I have hurt people in my lifetime. But I am not less than because of it.

What I love most about Beyonce and Jay Z though is their ability to seem like they’re letting us in without actually doing so. I am still waiting for the person who can tell me where he says he actually did cheat. I hear a lot of alluding to it, but I have yet to hear the actual confession. To take it back to the game changing reality show, “The Real World,” “You think you know, but you have no idea.” It should be that way. Our relationships are for us and not the jury of public opinion. Beyonce is not a fool for staying, Jay Z is not a monster for having no idea how to love her properly. We’re all just products of our surrounding trying to figure out what’s right for us. Trying to love one another without truly tapping into God as our greatest example. It will always take two people in a relationship to tear it apart or keep it together.

When we have the ability to accept our own imperfection and not label one over the other, I think that’s when we can accept that nothing is perfect. Not even the relationship between our hip hop king and pop queen. It just means that we’re all living in the same world regardless of our tax bracket. One where ish happens, we make mistakes, we learn from them, and hopefully do our best to do better in the process.

To read more of my thoughts on love and relationships, check out my latest book “Love On Purpose.”

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