My name is Ashton. The truth is, I am no different from anyone else in the world.
Looking at myself I think the biggest challenge I face is understanding myself as a person. There’s not much to me. I love literature, the science of the human mind, and the idea of traveling everywhere in the world. I sometimes question my ideas, wondering if these are the ideas I have for myself or if they are just conjuring the mere feelings I absorbed from someone else. Sometimes I wonder if I am who I am or if I am just trying to fit this mold the world wants me to be. The truth is, I am a little scared.
Every morning I look at myself in the mirror, unaware of the challenges I will face in the day. Sometimes they are easy as if I were walking a dirt path or jumping a short distance. But sometimes they are hard. Sometimes life is like climbing high mountains. I sometimes can’t catch my breath, growing more tired with each step I take. Sometimes it’s like drowning in a deep ocean, surrounded by sharks, ready to bite. Sometimes it’s simply being lost in a dark cave, absolutely terrified of what will come next.
Life is a very complicated thing. I think it is meant to have us face these challenges; climbing high mountains, swimming with sharks, being terrified of everything we don’t understand. We are meant to feel heartbreak, sadness, anger, fear, and everything that comes along with the pains in our lifetime. Without these pains we wouldn’t be able to understand ourselves. We wouldn’t have had the challenges. We wouldn’t have had the ones to tell us that we’re not good enough. We wouldn’t have had the lovers to break our hearts. We wouldn't have had the many tears or horrible untrue thoughts about ourselves. We wouldn’t have had all the things that make us feel so weak that would force us to grasp the strengths we truly need.
Without these terrible things we would never push ourselves to prove the world wrong. With all the broken promises, ripped valentines, sad songs, and angry words I think we owe some gratitude to the things that left us feeling lost.
While we have this constant pain in our chest and a strange longing for what could have been, we need to find ourselves to be invincible in which we no longer feel pain. Your heart is a muscle. When a muscle is used constantly it becomes sore and over time of being used over and over again, the muscle becomes stronger and you feel less pain. Over this process you become a better athlete. Well, when the world hurts you the same thing happens t your heart. Except you become a better person. You become the better version of who you are supposed to be. You are stronger, wiser, more creative, and ave the ability to keep moving forward.
Look at writers like Edgar Allen Poe. He suffered from many heartbreaks and thus his poetry is famous all over the world. He is considered to be the greatest American poet who ever lived. J.K. Rowling was living on welfare and needed to use the light in a cafe to write Harry Potter because she was so poor. She is a top selling author worth billions.
Life occurs and life is hard in the process to create the person you are meant to be. Life is hard so you have the ability to do amazing things. Teach, create, inspire, and do everything you can so the world sees what you have accomplished. But the only way to get there is to grow through the process of pain. Life is hard, but it’s worth it.
There will be days I am so terrified of the world. I know I will be depressed and scared and sometimes I will have no idea what I am doing. In fact, I have no idea what I am doing right now. I’m lost. But to be lost, means I will find myself. I am lost girl, waiting to be found.