Living With Relatives For The Summer

Context: Got a summer internship at Fremont CA. Decided to stay with Uncle and aunt to catch up on family and save some extra cash for college.

I reach new heights of anxiousness these days. I think it’s because I know that there’s something wrong with the way I’m living but I can’t seem to change anything.. especially with life at home, I’m currently living with a Trump voting, Obama hating, homophobic, racist uncle whose views make me cringe and grit my teeth.

I learned the hard way that I can not change his opinion with logic and love, this is a symptom of his life having been very hard on him, I suspect that it’s hardest for the hopeful to believe again, you see.. the pain hits them just a little bit harder in the chest, like trauma it can become very hard for them to face rejection of any kind. He’s given me long drunken talks of not trusting Americans and institutions.

Him, like every one of us seems to have found the secret to life, this makes me further question my “definite truths” that I’ve convinced myself of over the years.. after all, I am only 22 years old, his experience dwarfs mine in comparison.

If I’m being honest, I can’t leave this house of cards waiting to collapse on itself because of financial and family obligations. I catch glimpses of my true self when I’m away from my aunt and uncle, when I’m not trying to lessen myself and hide who I really am, I’d describe myself as tame, behaved and selling my beliefs for money and opportunity when I’m in the company of these people. I am very ashamed of this. I can’t break free because I’m far too aware of how life can go wrong if you aren’t calculating and smart at certain times. So, I decide to pawn myself off for another month so that I’ll come back a little stronger when I go back home.

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