Ashwini, you start off by recounting an instance where you were judged for not apologizing for accidentally brushing your hands against someone. You then go on to talk about how you’ve experienced the other end of the spectrum where orphaned kids often had to bite, scratch and maim for the purpose of self-preservation. You then seemingly judge people for judging those who don’t apply [for the purposes of our discussion, let’s call it] ‘Californian’ standards of courtesy, based on what I understand to be your world view.

You’re right — there are large parts of the world where the daily grind makes Californian courtesy an exercise in stupidity. You’re right again— people would do well to be aware of the yuuge (couldn’t resist, sorry) discrepancy in the application of said courtesy. What I disagree with is your view that “the idea of a singular and homogeneous standard of niceness is outdated”. It isn’t outdated, Ashwini. It is discernible in the very society of which you and I are a part.

A society viewed from afar is diverse, but a society viewed from within is homogeneous. You are, whether you approve of it or not, a part of a homogeneous society that believes in the application Californian standards of courtesy. To the people that make up this social order— your average Californian — the rules of engagement do not vary across the ‘breadth’ of their society. There isn’t a differing standard of propriety or courtesy. And that’s totally OK.