Lapras 100 x 2: REDEMPTION

I had prayed to RNGesus.

He delivered.

On Christmas morning, at approximately 8:39 AM, I groggily stirred and glanced at my vibrating phone.

Multiple notifications from a local Pokémon trainer friend said, “100 Lapras!! Wake up 100 Lapras!! @asianpizzamonster”

Wait, was this real life???

I immediately jumped out of bed, fumbled for my keys, and ran out of the house.

The days leading up to Christmas, Niantic dropped an event which increased the spawns of the fabled ice Pokémon. As you may have heard, a perfect Lapras ran away from me back in June and crushed my Pokémon training soul. I was never the same.

Fast forward to December, I was in my hometown San Francisco, back early for the holidays to help my mom out who was recovering from hip surgery. I had heard another perfect Lapras had spawned back in LA, but of course being 378 miles away and not being a GPS-faking-type-of-cheater, I had to let it go. I wouldn’t even ask anyone else to catch it for me as I don’t allow others to log in to my account. But I prayed to RNGesus that San Francisco too would be blessed with this fabled perfect Lapras as well.

I had already been resigned to maybe having to accept a perfect Walrein as a substitute. After all, it’s attack is slightly better. But let’s face it — it’s fugly as hell and it’s no goddamn Lapras.

Do you see that hideous Walrein? Credit: TheSilphRoad

My prayers were answered.

My heart was pounding.

My god, this was it.

I drove our family van to the curvy, slightly uphill road where the Lapras was supposed to be, praying that it would actually be there.

I slowly inched forth on the street in anticipation until that blue giant turtle thing finally popped up.

I finally found her.

The moment of truth. Golden razz. Ultra ball. That little baby broke out. Second throw — he popped out again. My heart beat faster — what if through some cruel twist of fate this one was going to run, too?

But no, on a somewhat shitty throw that made my heart sink, the ultra ball did its final shake. The Lapras was mine. My legs shook as the song “Thunder” blasted on the radio.

I was done. This was the Pokémon I needed. I no longer had to lament the one that got away. I didn’t have to settle for a Walrein 100. I got my lapras— my Lapras 100.

I drove back to the house, ran upstairs and screamed to my bewildered mother, “I GOT MY LAPRAS!!! THIS IS THE BEST CHRISTMAS PRESENT EVER!!” I had explained to her the weeks prior that if there ever was this one Pokémon, this one that I had not had another chance to catch for over six months, that I absolutely needed to go.

I texted my sister, who sent her congratulations.

And as my sister said, maybe it was a sign of the things yet to come. Maybe, as long as there is a chance, I should never give up and settle. I could have — I tried for months to convince myself I didn’t need that Lapras. But my heart wasn’t satisfied until I got it.

And with that, the biggest Poké chip on my shoulder was erased. I mean I still don’t have a perfect Zapdos, but I had never seen one run away because it never came. And ever since filling my Lapras hole, the fucks I gave about the game plummeted.

After catching my perfect Lapras, my playing time dropped drastically. (Me not playing at all an entire night was a rarity) Put the Spheal in the gym by accident, by the way.

My beautiful sister with a baby Snorlax.

It was a Merry Fucking Christmas and an awesome way to bring a crappy year to a close.

I’m good.

Happy New Year, my friends.

Love,

Asian Pizza Monster

Finally a Perfect Lapras Mommy

P.S. Aren’t my Santachu pajamas great?