The Birth of Asian Pizza Monster: Getting Over Heartbreak

I didn’t always have a love for pizza. Growing up, pizza was just pizza. I rarely had pizza cravings. It wasn’t a thing.

That changed when I entered into my last and only happy relationship nearly five years ago. I’ve found myself recently referring to that time as “back when I was happy.”

I had a cute, kind-hearted and simple boyfriend. It wasn’t love at first sight. In fact, I was so turned off by our first date that I didn’t want to ever see him again. He was a total noob — he was ignorant of the fact that he had to tip the bartender and I felt uncomfortable sitting at the bar seeing that this brah wasn’t tipping (I paid and tipped for my own drinks). To make matters worse, he just went on about television shows that I had never seen as if that were a great conversation starter. I finally called him out for his poor date etiquette when he started talking about a “crazy” ex-girlfriend of his and how she had purchased a wedding dress without any wedding planned.

Months later, I was bored and lonely and started to talk to him again. Great way to start off a relationship, am I right?

But it actually proved to be the best relationship as of yet in my life — the first time I had really felt reciprocated love. So giving him a second chance turned out to not be such a bad idea.

With him, pizza became a thing. We would each order ourselves a large pizza and just sit at home and watch movies. We would celebrate special events with pizza — his birthday and for one of our anniversaries.

Our pizzas.

And then, out of the blue, he left me — packed up all his things and was gone. We hadn’t fought or anything — I was blindsided. One night I slept soundly with him by my side and the next night I had the whole bed to myself.

I struggled with the breakup. It was hard to accept. It was almost as if he had died. It was weird to have seen someone every day, to have had that person be there all the time to just suddenly have him be gone.

I stopped eating pizza. I had never gone to just eat pizza by myself — it was always something I’d done in the company of others. For the last couple of years, pizza was something for us.

I lost some good friends because I was so depressed about my situation and manic about trying to move on.

I dove back into dating. I met one boy with whom I thought I had a great connection, only to have him reject me because of my profession (my pursuit of an acting career). Another boy who really thought I was amazing ended up having a self-esteem meltdown in which he considered himself inadequate as a mate. And then I had a rebound with a truly mean character just because I was so desperate and reeling.

I cried over too many damn boys.

Then I paused and basically quit dating.

One summer day ten months after my breakup, I went into a mom and pop store and just bought a whole pizza for myself.

It was like a rebirth. My acting classmates had suggested that I do some Vines. I happened to have pizza. And so, the Asian Pizza Monster was born.

I made a bunch of silly videos of me eating pizza and various other foods to entertain people. I didn’t get much fanfare, just 46,831 loops on the now defunct Vine. My mom told me Asian Pizza Monster was stupid and ungraceful, but I argued that if I could at least brighten one person’s day out there, I would’ve done my job.

The important matter was that the Asian Pizza Monster could fly solo and eat pizza on her own. She wasn’t defeated.

I’m sharing this Asian Pizza Monster story as a nod to getting over heartbreak — because that’s where she came from.

I’ve cried a lot of tears over the years and I’ve found that if there’s one thing I have a lot of experience with, it’s getting over heartbreak. It’s never easy. It’s terrible. You try to ride high, do yoga (namaste bitches!!), hang out with friends, think about all these positive things and projects you want to do and still find yourself lying in bed one night feeling alone and miserable and finding it hard to believe you’ll ever find lasting love. I’ve never been one to be able to turn off or control my emotions. And you shouldn’t — you need to recognize, work through, and embrace those feelings. Feeling sadness and heartbreak just goes to show you’re human and not a monster.

My IG is pretty dead too. I’ve been meaning to re-upload my vines there.

But there’s one thing you can do — don’t give up something you love or enjoy because of someone who broke your heart. Don’t give them any more than they already took.

For me, it was not giving up pizza.

There are certain triggers and you may not want to engage in an action because you’d rather not remember your ex. But never give up a good part of your life just because of a failed relationship. Don’t let someone else ruin it for you. It’s empowering to learn that you can still carry on. Perhaps it’s going back to a trail you used to hike together and making it all the way to the top without them. (That’s not just an arbitrary example…it’s something I’ve also done admittedly.)

Hike up that damn trail!! Do you see me?

And for those out there who may be experiencing heartbreak right now, remember that it will pass. It will just take time and a true willingness on your part to let go. Always easier said than done, I know.

In the mean time, the Asian Pizza Monster is here. I still cry and I still falter. But, I’m here and I always rise again.

With love,

Asian Pizza Monster