Commitment Phobia — 5 reasons why you can’t commit to a relationship

You know that sinking feeling when your long-term partner wants “something more” out of your relationship with him or her. You feel trapped and are desperate to get out of it somehow. You feel you have commitment phobia.

You think, “Here’s another relationship that didn’t work. It was going so well — why can’t it stay like this forever?”


You see the hurt and disappointment in your partner’s eyes. You feel bad for your partner, but you just can’t bring yourself to take the next step in your relationship. No, that would be too much.

Have you ever thought why you can’t commit?

Feeling vulnerable

You’re afraid to be wrong. What if you invest too much into the relationship and then it doesn’t work out? You’re afraid of getting hurt. You may have had a past where your relationships broke up badly. You may not have fully recovered from the earlier hurt. You’re probably carrying around baggage from your previous relationships.

Or you’re simply too proud to “fail.”


No matter what the reason, the central factor in your commitment phobia is fear. Fear of pain. Fear of emotional injury.

Feeling “cornered”

Freedom is an overrated concept. Nobody is truly free — we’re all enjoying various degrees of freedom. Your commitment-phobic self probably thinks that investing deeply in a relationship will “trap” you.

You’d rather enjoy the many benefits of your casual relationship without bearing the costs of a committed bond.


You enjoy the “freedom” that comes with a no-strings-attached relationship and you want to keep things that way.

You think you’re “too busy.”

This is especially true if you work in a high-pressure environment. You’re so caught up with the daily trials of life that you feel you have no time or energy to devote yourself to another person.

You’d rather not deal with the mess of a committed relationship. That’s commitment phobia alright!


You feel that by getting serious with someone, you’re wasting precious emotional energy that you could otherwise use elsewhere in your life.

You want “something better.”

Why would you want to be stuck with someone when you can get a “better person?”

Humans are on a lifelong search for better alternatives to what they have at present. It could be a career, a hobby, a lifestyle, or a relationship.


You’re probably never satisfied with what you have currently — your commitment phobia compels you to look for the next “upgrade.”

You think you “still have time.”

If you’re in your twenties, you’re probably thinking of this reason. You tell yourself, “I still have lots of time. Why should I commit now?”

Even if the person in question is someone you feel very strongly about.


This reason is tied to several others mentioned previously — wanting to get someone “better” and being dissatisfied with your current choice.

Traditionally, commitment phobia was considered a male issue. With the empowerment of more and more women, both genders are equally afflicted now.


First, you must understand that a fear of commitment is perfectly normal. However, it’s important to work through your emotional baggage, your fears and doubts, and your concerns in order to ensure that you do not unnecessarily end a potentially fulfilling relationship. You could start a journal to express your emotions, or you could talk to friends, or even a relationship counsellor.

Now that you understand what’s ailing you, would you like to do something about it?

If you feel you have commitment phobia, don’t hesitate to speak to one of our relationship experts for free at AskMile.

Show your support

Clapping shows how much you appreciated AskMile’s story.