I want you to know more about me.

I’m not great at expressing my emotions outwardly. Or telling people what’s going on with me, internally and externally. My family and closest friends can attest to that. While striving to be the thoughtful listener I feel others need and seek for them to be back to me; along the way, I neglected to develop the outer communication skills for myself to even spit out content to be listened to. I grew up in a home where we didn't talk through things very much and the main trait I deplored from that upbringing, I’ve ended up perpetuating. I’m a master at keeping my own journeys and stories and all around feelings discreet.

I’m not great at improv or being caught off guard when someone does try to ask me questions and get to know me further. I’m abrupt in the answers and quick to turn it back around to you, knowing full well that most people love to talk about themselves. Apparently I’m not most people lol. Mainly out of habit now, but I think it’s because I just wasn’t ready to answer the question of “who are you.” I’m still figuring that out. I keep changing on me. If you don’t ask the right questions, I wasn’t ever going to give you more than the answer to the questions you did ask. And that’s a really tough way to get to know someone. I know that. And I hope that I can change it... for me and for whomever wants to know further about me.

Although I’m not great at the talking part, I think I can better express myself through writing. So I’m going to try my best to truly lay it all out there and upkeep this blog. Even if only one of you is scanning it, at least someone out there will know how I really feel and that life for me isn’t just what Facebook and Instagram pics suggest. And that is definitely worth the effort.

xxx JSok

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