Interacting and Understanding People by Your Listening Skills
FRIENDS when this word comes to your mind or when you see this word written anywhere, I’m sure you’ll think that this is not only the word, this word is a back up support of yours. Because you share everything with your friend, sometimes you need condolence, some guideline, or something else. Your friends always there for you, even sometime you can’t say even a single word. Because The language of friendship is not words but meanings.
When I read the book of How to Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie then I came to know that there are a lot of factor that makes a friend more closer to you. When you attached with your friends, you can even understands the small thing without telling by your .
In the book, there is an example of a Dog, and I think so, the Dale Carnegie explained it in a very beautiful way the concept of loyalty,
“Did you ever stop to think that a dog is the only animal that doesn’t have to work for a living? A hen has to lay eggs, a cow has to give milk, and a canary has to sing. But a dog makes his living by giving you nothing but love. ”
And here I want to share some interesting things from that book, that really impressive for me
“You never read a book on psychology. You didn’t need to. You knew by some divine instinct that you can make more friends in two months by becoming genuinely interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.
Let me repeat that. You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.
Yet I know and you know people who blunder through life trying to wigwag other people into becoming interested in them.
People are not interested in you. They are not interested in me. They are interested in themselves Morning, noon and after dinner.
Alfred Adler, the famous Viennese psychologist, wrote a book entitled What Life Should Mean to You. In that book he says:
“It is the individual who is not interested in his fellow men who has the greatest difficulties in life and provides the greatest injury to others. It is from among such individuals that all human failures spring.”
“If the author doesn’t like people,” he said, “people won’t like his or her stories.”
The New York Telephone Company made a detailed study of telephone conversations to find out which word is the most frequently used. You have guessed it: it is the personal pronoun “I.” “I.” I.” It was used 3,900 times in 500 telephone conversations. “I.” “I.” “I.” “I.” When you see a group photograph that you are in, whose picture do you look for first?
Author spent an evening in the dressing room of Howard Thurston the last time he appeared on Broadway. Thurston was the acknowledged dean of magicians. he asked Mr. Thurston to tell me the secret of his success. His schooling certainly had nothing to do with it, for he ran away from
“Well, there is a bunch of suckers out there, a bunch of hicks; I’ll fool them all right.”
But Thurston’s method was totally different. He told me that every time he went on stage he said to himself:
“I am grateful because these people come to see me, They make it possible for me to make my living in a very agreeable way. I’m going to give them the very best I possibly can.”
Well, when I implement this in my personal practice, I realize that actually people are not like that how they look, if said “Don’t judge a book by it’s cover” this will not wrong because when I started my interesting challenge, I just start interacting with different friends and asking them random question about their life goals, challenges and different things about them. Suddenly, I just communicate with one of my fellow and came to know, oh he is an interesting person, he is not such a quiet person as I thought but he is just a change man. After one hour communication I really impressed by him, we exchange different ideas and he shared his problems regarding to some study issues and his perception also change about me. I really enjoyed his company, the way he was talking to.
I want to add another example here, one of my friend, we’re not as much used to talk but I knew her jolly nature. I just talked to her and asking some random questions, after few minutes later I realize that she was much upset. I asked her, What happened? She told me that her father is currently in ICU, Please pray for him. I never seen her, like this much serious before.
Few other friends, I've talked to them, someone facing a lot of issues in life currently, someone has complains from life, someone said life is unpredictable, for enjoyment, for eating etc. They have faced different challenges in their life. Life gave them a lot of lessons.
But the main thing I learnt from this activity is you must have a potential to LISTEN. Although Life is not a cup of tea or you can say a Bed of roses, but try to Become a good listener, this is a really good quality, because sometimes people are not in this situation that they can listen you, at that time they want to share his problem, frustration and issues with you. May be their forestation and problems resolves after sharing.
A good place to start on your way to becoming a better listener is to think about the difference between listening and hearing. Hearing is a sense — it happens when sound hits our ears and involves the processing of sound in the brain. I hear a truck outside my window. I hear my roommate’s footsteps upstairs. Hearing is a passive physical process. In this sense, saying “I hear” is almost too generous, since it describes hearing as an action I perform. It’s not something that I “do,” it’s simply that sound is heard by my ears and, to some extent, by my brain.
So, pay attention to the person who is speaking, show interest by nodding or by smiling at appropriate times, make sure that they understand what has been said by repeating it in their own words. For example, a good listener might say, “Do you mean that …?”, let the other person finish his or her thoughts without interrupting and ask questions if anything is not clear when the speaker has finished.
“I remind myself every morning: Nothing I say this day will teach me anything. So if I’m going to learn, I must do it by listening.”