Loneliness and Quantity

Asmara Arundaya
Sep 1, 2018 · 2 min read

I hope I can go and start all over again.

This tipsy conversation is like a slap. Sometimes, you feel that you’ve already known something, some ugly facts, but you keep lying to yourself, like it never happened before. Until the time comes, when the truths are on lips and nothing can’t stop to utter them in your face.

“I had dinner with countless. I made out with some of them. I was in love with less. But, until now, I can’t bear the loneliness of losing someone.”

One of my friend, ask me directly, “it doesn’t matter the number, but you feel the loneliness right?”. I was shocked. I chocked by my own breath. I smiled but it took so much pain to do. It brought me to the place, the tight darkest place in my life.

quantity never been a quality. I should know that. but, it takes so much time in my life to realize or to admit that silly fact. I’ve never felt as empty as this before. my word is tumbling down, honey. I want to ask for help, but there was no hand I can hold, there is no one here. I shout, all the world should hear that. But, again, no one is here. I trapped. and it is still obscure whether I can go or not.

the more person I met, the more this loneliness comes. endless loneliness. haha, I do laugh writing this part, but I know it isn’t any form of happiness.

why quantity never been a quality? I should feel content, should I?

I lost everything — what I have, what I feel, what I see.

Asmara Arundaya

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I believe that signs belong to universe and universe is represented by signs.