I thought I would never be depressed on holiday but here I am, curling on the abandoned guest room bed, lying on my back as streams of dried tears covered my cheeks.
Why do I cry again? I don’t know, it’s just seem appropriate. I don’t how to release these emptiness and pent up emotions, so crying it is.
Lately small things can trigger my emotional break down real quick. I can’t control my train of thoughts and most probably I will end up crying for hours. Then I will gather myself as I wipe the evidence that I broke down. Then I will try to act as normally as possible. Rinse and repeat.
I have a pretty much good life.
I’m in a reputable uni and reputable faculty. My grades are quite good. I have nice friends. I am working at an internship right now, but why I don’t feel happy? Are those not enough?
I feel that I’m ungrateful when I’m depressed. I feel guilty for not being strong enough to fight it. I feel like I’m not trying hard enough.