Somehow I get pissed off easily nowadays. Everything and everyone irritate me to the point that i’m constantly in the verge of tear and I have to try hard not let anyone see that my tears are streaming down from my eyes. I keep blaming people and myself back and forth. Am I a fool because it took me a long time that life has always been this unforgiving? And how the hell I can depend on others when I knew from the start that no one, I repeat no one stays with you till the very end. I am mad with myself to let people make a mess out of me. I am mad at some people who abandon their duty and shove all those goddamn work on me.
Being away from most people on holiday makes me realize for the umpteenth time how much I love solitude and how I owe my sanity to it. I finally found a working style that suits me the best. I work efficiently when I can do it with my own pace. I find it enjoyable to work in a small group or even alone.
Interacting with people is necessary in a small amount for me, because until this point, I never found someone who can fully understand me. It’s just I don’t wanna waste my energy and feelings to temporary people. I do crave for a significant other, but not to the point that I feel like I can’t live without the so-called “the other half”.
All this stuff, which was advertised on behalf of what they call ‘for a greater good’ may caused me more troubles instead of giving me good things it promised on the beginning. All this stuff, is the ultimate reason why I write; because no one listens.
tl;dr. I just need some goddamn rest and a fucking me-time.