On One Year Of Being Sued By The World’s Oldest Incel

The Lesson I’ve Learned? Don’t Be Maddox.

Vexatious Litigant & Human Hot Dog Water George “Maddox” Oz

I’m sure there’s an “official” definition out there somewhere, but to me, here’s what an incel is:

An incel is a whiny dude who blames his problems with women on everyone else.

A guy who thinks he’s smarter than the world, then never tries to prove it.

A guy who “deserves” a girl with movie star looks, but can’t push himself to buy one nice pair of jeans.

I’m talking, of course, about myself: Asterios Kokkinos!

But I think this stuff also applies to George “Maddox” Oz. I dunno, see what you think, here’s a thing he wrote:

A real thing Maddox really wrote!

Yikes! You see how mad this guy is? That’s why they call him “The World’s Oldest Incel!”

So in retrospect: it’s no surprise Maddox, a guy famous for mocking people on the internet, sued me for mocking him on the internet. He’s clearly an angry dude looking for a place — anyplace — to put his rage. Today, it’s me. Yesterday, it was Cameron Diaz, as seen in his article, “I Hate Cameron Diaz”:

A real thing Maddox really wrote, which is still really hyperlinked on his home page!

You see how mad this guy is at Cameron Diaz? Contrastingly, here’s how I, Asterios Kokkinos, feel about Cameron Diaz:

One time, I was in the Panda Express across from the Warner lot, and Cameron Diaz was in line behind me. I looked at her in shock, and she gave me a wave that said, “Yup, it’s me, Cameron Diaz!” And it was nice, she was so nice!

This is how a normal person responds to Cameron Diaz!

And this has been the thing I have tried to do most this past year: cling to my ability to appreciate gifts like Cameron Diaz.

This year has been shitty in ways I won’t list, as it’s a downer. But one of the things I’ve tried to hold onto is my ability to make jokes.

Or at the very least, be loud. They’re the same thing, right?

Guys like Maddox wake up angry, look for something to attach it to, then go to bed angry. And much like his comedy writing, that’s easy.

So the most important lesson I’ve learned this year: Don’t Be Maddox.

We get one shot at this life. Can you imagine wasting that it acting like Maddox? Don’t be Maddox, kids. Hashtag: Don’t Be Maddox.

So Maddox — who I know is reading this because of course he is — turn your shit around, alright? Yes, this sanctions motion I’m bringing against you is gonna hurt. And the eventual countersuit will hurt too — it’s gonna hurt a lot, you’re gonna have to repay all the parties you damaged a lot of money.

But as hard as this might be for you to imagine: think of it like the college debt of someone who graduated from college. It’s expensive, but you’ll learn valuable lessons in not being a vindictive wannabe Lex Luthor asshole who uses the public courts to settle penny-ante podcast beefs!

Happy Lolsuit, Maddox! You may have taken my job, but you gave me the greatest gift of all: unlimited free time to make fun of you! HOOOOOO HOOOOOO HOOOOOO!

Hee Haw & Merry Lolmas,

Asterios Kokkinos