I woke up with something on my heart that I want to share with you. While you may already know these things I believe that it is always good to be reminded because we all get into a place where we need to hear something again. Even Peter in his second letter to the church said the same thing in 2 Peter 1:12, “Therefore, I always remind you about these things — even though you already know them and are standing firm in the truth you have been taught” (NLT). There is always value in being reminded of the truths we already know.
Every one of us wants to be thought of by someone else in an honorable way. Women want to be loved and men desire to be respected. God made us to desire another’s affection, just as He desires our affection. We just want it in different ways. But it all comes down to being made to feel desired by another. Women want to feel they are deeply meaningful and helpful to a man. Men want to feel deeply needed and honored by a woman.
It is because of this design that God has put into each one of us that the enemy desires to corrupt it. He will do everything he can to get you to say and do things that show the exact opposite to your spouse than what God designed. We are easily angered when our spouse does something in direct opposition to what God designed for us to receive from them. This anger stems from the enemy’s whispering in our ears saying things like, “See, she doesn’t respect you. If she did she wouldn’t have done that. She’s only thinking about herself.” or “He doesn’t love you. The words he says and the things he does prove he isn’t thinking of you first.” “They only care about themself”. It is said in a million different ways to us because the enemy has many, many ways to tell us lies. And they always seem to have some logic or truth in them. In fact, to be really believable the lies need to have just enough truth in them. Let me give you a quick warning right here. You cannot out think or use logic against the enemy. He will beat you at it every time. Believe me, I know this first hand as I’ve tried many, many times; unknowingly.
There is something I really want you to understand. It is so important to get this. Any time you begin to use logic in trying to deal with relationship issues, you’ve already lost. It doesn’t work. It will never work. God designed relationships to function on love, not logic. You cannot think your way out of a problem. You have to love your way out of it. We are all called to love one another. It’s just that love is shown differently; women need love, men need respect, but it’s all love in God’s eyes (Ephesians 5:21–33).
I believe one of the biggest reasons we have such a hard time with love is hurt. In order to show love you have to become vulnerable. We often get angry at our spouse because we have opened our self up in love and they somehow violated that trust. It can cause very deep wounds. I believe this is why we have such problems with mental and personality disorders. Actually I don’t just believe it, I know it. When we are hurt the natural tendency is to guard ourselves from the same thing ever happening to us again. That means hardening our emotions toward others which causes us to think negative things about them and create these negative images in our heads about them. This hardening leads to mental problems, personality issues, sickness, disease, stress. All of this has been proven by science, but God knew it long ago which is why He included it in the bible.
It doesn’t surprise me at all that guarding our hearts against hurt from others creates so many problems. The natural way we guard our hearts causes us to shut love off from ever leaving us and to keep it from entering us from someone else. You know how you feel when you get angry at your spouse. The last thing you feel like doing is loving them, right? Can you see the enemy’s agenda with this guarding? It even has a bit of truth in it because the bible says, “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life” Proverbs 4:23 (NLT). The enemy loves to condemn us with scripture. So the enemy whispers in your ear this truth and suggests ways for you to “guard your heart” but those things lead to death (sickness, disease, disorders). Well guess what? The word also tells us how to guard our hearts in Philippians 4:7, “…His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus” (NLT). Living in Jesus is what guards our hearts and minds! We don’t have to do it, He will! It’s how Jesus was able to endure all of the unloving things people did to him without becoming affected by it. He was guarded in God the Father’s love. I hope you can see the twisted ways the enemy tries to destroy our relationships.
The only way for you to be able to endure the unloving actions of others as you continue to love them as Jesus did and as He commanded us to do, is to keep your heart and mind in Christ Jesus who will give you everything you need; “His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of Him who called us to His own glory and excellence”, 2 Peter 1:3 (ESV). That means fill your eyes and ears with God’s word more than you fill it with what the world wants you to see and hear. Keep your mouths full of praise for others and to God. Speak life and encouragement to all and especially to those you love most. We often treat our spouse worst of all, and the reason is because to them we are most vulnerable of all. There is no one else you’ve opened your heart and life up to so completely as the one you’ve married. You have revealed your heart to them; the very core of who you are unlike you’ve shared with anyone else. You have even opened yourself up to them physically not hiding anything. That physical intimacy causes such a deep connection and that is why God warns so heavily on keeping sexually pure and not giving that away to just anyone. Your soul actually becomes tied to the person you have engaged with physically. That is a completely different topic that I won’t get into here, but just know these are reasons why we treat our spouse so much worse than others.
I believe if you really get these truths today and let them permeate your mind and heart then I believe you will see as God wants you to see which will allow you to love as God wants you to love. Love your way out of your problems with your spouse so you can love your way into the incredible unity that God wants you to experience with your spouse. Love really is the answer!
I pray that you receive divine revelation of His love and that He shows you how to love your spouse as He intended and grants you complete unity with each other, in the all powerful and authoritative name of Jesus! Be unified! Amen!
