Hmmm. For the most part, I agree with the premise of your piece. As a one time employee and manager, I believe your suggestion that if one has a non-performing employee that the employee either makes sufficient change to keep their job or get fired. The time and money it takes to train an employee is often significant and in my experience, it is far better to “re-train” the devil you know than attempt to start afresh with an unknown. Of course, necessary steps to maintain a non-performing employee can only be judged on a case by case basis and yes, there are simply individuals (employees) who cannot be salvaged.
Your advice to those locked in an unhappy marriage. Most of us begin relationships with others based on preconceived ideas about what will make us happy and in turn secure. Some of those preconceived ideas are unrealistic and no one, even episodic relationships, will e able to fulfill those fantasy expectations. I had a BIG chuckle the morning i read a man sought a divorce from his new wife after their first night together as man and wife because the woman was ugly. What a load of crap!
Anyway — in my mind, my relationships fail because most of us do not know and or will not confront who we are at our core. How can we expect another individual to fulfill our needs if we cannot contextualize those very personal needs and desires for ourselves? We form relationships because we need to be stroked and to stroke others. But how that activity (being intimate on all levels) manifests is highly individual and can only successfully coalesce with another when two beings are clear on those issues.
It is clear that at least 50% of our American population is very unclear about our personal motivations, based solely on our divorce rate. Cheating rates high on the list of hwy relationships fail. But aren’t there two people, man and wife, that create the underlying scenarios that lead to cheating? Of course both people are responsible.
Most of us enter marriage with this dewy eyed idea that “he/she will fulfill my every dream and desire”. My God, how burdensome and overwhelming such an idea breeds. I am not the dewy eyed seventeen year old my husband married fifty years ago. And nor is he that towering hunk of masculinity that swept me off my feet all those many years ago. To sound corny, but these words are very, very true, the man is my very next breath of life, everyday all day.
We have lived through the launching if careers, mine and his, the birth of children, economic loss and devastation, the death of a grown child, the marriage of our two thriving children, grandchildren, illness and the ever present knowledge that we are both marching towards death. And yet we thrive!
The man was and is m knight, my protector and my lover. And I was and remain his “pearl of a girl”. We humans stumble, many of us fall and people, most of mate for primal as well as individual needs. I think if we can learn to accept our vulnerabilities without assigning fault, then perhaps we can coalesce and experience the peace and serenity of partnership without all the bullshit!