Sometimes Trish, it is impossible to “fix what we broke” because we do not possess the tacit understanding of the specific how of the break. Raising children is a challenge regardless of how much you want and love them. Those little beings do not arrive as blank slates but they do absorb so much of the unseen interactions between people and those fragilities within ourselves that whether it’s one specific event that marks and causes a child to feel insecure, or whether it is a multiplicity of things that happen that produces those “breaks”,…. well, one could spend the remaining parts of a lifetime trying to “fix” what is probably unfixable.
Live for today. Embrace your offspring as if there were never [revious darkness in your lives. Trust that your love has been strong enough, as it surely sounds that it has been, to buoy them through heartache and loss in their futures. Beam with pride at their successes and most important take care of yourself in all ways because when your sons have to face the loss of you, well, there is nothing that can ever replace mom!