The Power of No: How I learned to use the word, abused it and modified it.

I spent many years shaping my life as it is now: my family, home, career, friends are a reflection of how I feel about myself.

I strive for excellence in everything I touch. Not because I require perfection but because I strive for this within me.

This was not always the case.

Dignity and respect are now a core value rather than fleeting moments. Honesty and integrity are anchors rather than abstract concepts. Love forms part of my core rather than something I seek outside of myself.

The journey here wasn’t an easy one. I would love to say it was a valiant battle where I summoned courage and slayed dragons, which eventually was true, however, in most cases life just kicked my ass first.

It is one of the universe’s greatest gifts: a good ass kicking. It knocks you off your path and forces you to look around. It unplugs us from the Matrix and we have the opportunity to become fully lucid. These are the moments where we have full clarity and the ability to take a hard look at where we are, where we aren’t and where we need to go. These moments of clarity allow us to accept what is in highest good and let go of that which does not serve us.

It’s when we go back to our old path that we experience narcolepsy. In many ways, it is Spiritual Narcolepsy: the act of going back to our old patterns and programs when our souls are truly guiding us elsewhere.

My point? We all fall asleep at the wheel sometimes. It’s up to us to either wake up by building a life and support system that keeps us lucid or get used to life kicking our asses forcing us to wake up. Either way, it will happen. Our souls will take us to where we need to be through forced or pre-emptive evolution.

For me, lucidity starting coming though by learning an important word: No.

It is a powerful boundary. It is designed not to keep things out or away, but to make room to let that which serves you in.

We spend so much of our lives hanging onto things that our souls know we shouldn’t: distractions, habits, jobs, relationships, friendships. We do so in fear of the unknown, or getting out of our comfort zones or simply because we don’t know how to do anything else.

I did not grow up with the understanding of the word. I did not know it was even an option. When I started trying it on for size in my adulthood, I was like a teenager playing with alcohol for the first time.

The high of the No made me feel strong, powerful and independent. Like all drugs, it inevitably took over. I started to abuse the word. No became something I used to avoid things I didn’t want to deal with, avert responsibility or simply run. The pendulum swung to the other extreme.

It was in Spiritual Adulthood, the place where one takes responsibility for your own feelings and life rather than seek validation outside of oneself, and with practice that I collapsed the polarity and started using No in power. It was no longer a Nooooooooooooo! from a place of fear and hurt, but a gentle but firm No.

I still struggle with this sometimes. Spiritual Narcolepsy is a bitch. When I fall back asleep and get attached to outcomes, my Nooooooooooooo! comes out. I take responsibility for this, eventually. It is usually a reflection the frustration of the knowing that I was asleep at the wheel again. It’s in those moments that I work hard to forgive myself, recalibrate and get back on the horse.

When I am lucid:

I say No to people, places and things that do not serve the highest good of all.

I say No to the energy of others that is not mine, for it is up to all of us as divine beings to own our own.

I say No so that I can stand in my truth, bravely and vulnerably, without shame or blame or ego, to communicate my needs and so that those around me have a safe place to do the same.

I say No making myself wrong for falling back asleep or when my Nooooooooooooo! comes out in ways in which I know I can be better or am better.

I say No with love. My no is not a rejection of others, but an acceptance of what is true for me and what I believe is in highest good for all. I accept that this is convoluted at times and I forgive myself for being human.

I say No so I can say Yes.

Thank you, Universe, for the ass kickings. Happy Sunday, everyone. ❤