WARNING: SATIRE AHEAD
Allan Ishac
24036

Al, mate, don’t just target El Dorito, you really need to target his fan club – I ridicule ‘em daily (along with Momentum (Jeremy Corbyn’s fan club) and Brexiteers). I do it a) because I’m sick, and it helps me forget how shite I feel every single second of every single hour of every single day and b) because I’m angry and frustrated; I didn’t vote in the referendum, because I was too sick to vote and these utter brain dead fucknuggets believed a bunch of bullshit from a bunch of multimillionaires and because they did that everyone’s lives are fucked (there have several polls conducted since and, if a second referendum was held now, almost three-quarters of respondents would vote remain, but it won’t be, no matter how many times we petition for it, as this is a demockracy. Cheeto chops is STILL being given a state visit, even in spite of the fact he’s branded the BBC “fake news” and banned it from the White House. Oh and the small matter of 2 million people signing an official government ePetition. There was a counter-petition from Kippers, which barely scraped the 100,000 signatures needed to get a parliamentary debate).

I ran into a Trumper called Judy CONSERVATIVE (all her followers were <first name> CONSERVATIVE, too). I screenshotted Judy’s Twitter bio but, unfortunately, it’s on the MBP which my father’s using (Apple has locked me out of my iCloud account because it’s insisting that the security question on my account is ‘make and model of your first car’ (my disability precludes me from driving, I’ve never learnt), I can’t even get Apple to explain why it blocked me from accessing my account in the first place). Judy describes herself as a ‘Reagan conservative’, but she’s a MASSIVE NRA fan. She and her pals keep circulating a meme claiming that nobody has ever been killed by a gun, but – and the more astute will know where this is going – PLANNED PARENTHOOD HAS KILLED MILLIONS!

Sadly Judy blocked me when I pointed out the irony of her being the owner (with her husband) of enough weaponry to arm a small country and calling herself a ‘Reagan conservative’ (you’d have thought that a ‘True American Patriot’ would’ve been better versed in her country’s history, must’ve been embarrassing to have things pointed out by a Brit).

Sorry, Al, I’ve rambled. I’m tired (I need a new mattress but I can’t afford it, hard to kip with a spring digging in your back) and hungry (no money for food at the moment, either). Trying to fund everything on £600 ($743) a month when Brexit has caused massive price hikes (my food bill has increased 25%), oh and then there’s all the supplements I’m forced to buy to stave off malnutrition (whatever this Thing is, it seems to cause some kind of malabsorption because, no matter what I eat I still suffer deficiencies in just about everything) and out wonderful health service, the one you envy so much, has decided I’m faking all this for attention (I’m also autistic; I have serious communication problems and I can’t talk to people and, in a situation like that I panic, which also gets me dragged off to the nuthouse). I won’t buy analgesics because I know I’ll try to do summat stupid (although I do often wonder if it really would be so stupid, I’m hardly a contributing member of society), but MJ won’t be legalised here anytime soon because the Home Office is still spewing the ‘cannabis is a gateway to harder drugs’; ‘cannabis causes schizophrenia’; ‘there are no proven medical benefits of cannabis’ bollocks. Almost the same number of people as signed the anti-Trump petitioned signed one begun by NORML to for legalisation – for the bullshit reasons cited above, the government refused to debate it (yes the HO also believes that prohibition saves lives, which is why they keep banning shit and why kids are still dying. It even bans shit for no reason (it banned ALD-52, the closest lysergamide to LSD despite there being no record of anyone being harmed by its use, nor of it ever being available in the UK).

Okay I’m going away now.

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