Gay Sims I Made in 7th Grade
Harris Sockel

I seem to recall my Sims’ houses were mass orgies, apart from one which was like a goth frat house, which then turned into a vampiric – sorry, vampyric (sorry, Stephanie Meyer, I was doing the ‘y’ thing long before it was cool – and then you did it and that was definitely the death of its coolness. My Sims games were definitely better love stories than Twilight). I desperately wanted EA to mod the love-biting to actual biting. Fuck knows what happened to them, but I remember most of my other Sims died from starvation/dehydration/exhaustion due to being compelled to over-snuggle. I used to feed them enough to get them in the mood – one family had 12 kids (I kidnapped the bint from social services, then drowned her in the pool) I also remember incest being rife, but I can’t recall whether EA allowed incest or whether I hacked the game.

But I don’t remember Westboro et al launching a campaign against EA (perhaps they did and I didn’t notice – I’m not American, and social media didn’t exist (I remember talking to a girl who attended my old school long after I’d left and distinctly recall asking her “What’s Facebook…?”, think FB had been around for about 3 years by that point 🙄. She was 16, and I was… not 16 and slow to catch on)

I want hyper-realistic Sims, because I have no life. Seriously, I don’t.

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