Hey Self! — You need to restart.

One Step at a time
Image Credit: tumblr.com

I’m basically clicking on the restart button and telling myself it doesn't matter how far it takes me, i need a fresh start to be able to become who i want to be.

Prior to now, i feel i should have been able to do more or i should have worked harder on achieving certain goals but the thing is i never really had a plan or an array of things i should have been doing or wanted to do, i was basically just floating in limbo and expecting things to be good. Most times i have a melt down (virtually all the time) and i try to focus again and improve on certain things but different things keeps coming up and i’m back to square one again.

This past week, mainly after my compulsory NYSC scheme i have been thinking a lot about my career and its sad to know that i actually feel like am on ground zero. its been disheartening, but no point dwelling right?

I have made a list of things i should do in less than 3 months to get back on my feet, these things are mainly career based and way passed beginner level but like i said am restarting.

Career — I use to thing i was good at web development, front end stuff and the rest until recently i signed up out of boredom to attend the google developers meet up here in Lagos, Nigeria. Man, i was all shades of heart broken and confused right from the beginning of the program till the very end, a few things talked about sounded like things i should know but had zero knowledge about them, some i’d never heard about even in passing, this led to my biggest melt down of all times. i recounted my disappointment to myself on the inside. it was bad. i needed to do a lot.

Restarting — I got home and after a whole lot of researching i made a plan(for the first time ever), i had set goals and deadline even when i know some basic things am choosing to start from 0 and work myself up. if and only when i do this will i be content. i’m telling my self (Hey Self!) you need to get the fuck up. You need to restart.

More importantly, am focusing on what i love most and am growing with that, before i begin exploring other things. The tech world has grown a lot and i need to grow with it. No more holding onto basic knowledge with the idea of i know it, i can do it. I need to evolve, expand, and build more. Its time to stand up and do stuff.

Bolaji mentioned this to me — knowing the theoretical part of a language and using it are two different things. (and i couldn’t agree more)

Future — I don’t want to start afresh but, hey! my future self needs me to look back and be proud. so this is it, starting from scratch and building my self in to a web developer with more than just basic knowledge.