In the past, society expected men to be very stoic, hiding their emotions without a healthy outlet to express their feelings and overcome their emotional challenges. Today, in the age of the internet and social media, many people advocate that “Men need to express their feelings and tell their family, friends, and therapists their insecurities and feel safe about it.”
On the surface, this seems reasonable. If all men could safely discuss their emotions, it would indeed help them deal with problems more effectively. However, the reality is more complex, and this well-intentioned advice can sometimes lead to unintended negative consequences for men’s emotional health.
You might think I’m advocating for a return to the overly stoic ways of the past, but that’s not the case. Many men today do face emotional challenges; they often lack emotional maturity, emotional intelligence, and emotional control. I’m not saying they shouldn’t seek help. Instead, what I’m arguing is that the approach of being openly emotionally expressive with friends, family, and therapists — while it sounds reasonable — can sometimes harm men more than it helps.
Let me explain. Ideally, men would have a safe space to talk with understanding friends, family, and therapists. But in reality, because all humans are flawed, you cannot always trust others with your deepest emotions. If you open up to a friend, there’s a risk they might inadvertently share your insecurities with others, damaging your reputation and creating awkward situations that make you feel worse. Even with the best intentions, friends and family might not always know how to support you effectively. And while many therapists are excellent, finding the right one can be a difficult and frustrating process.
So, what’s the solution? It’s simpler than many might suggest.
Men in earlier times didn’t have the resources we have today; they couldn’t turn to the vast array of self-help books and online forums available now. They understood that showing emotional weakness could be risky, so they often chose to keep their struggles to themselves.
The world has evolved, but the risk of showing emotional vulnerability in an uncontrolled environment remains. Sharing your emotional insecurities openly can still lead to further harm. The more people who know about your vulnerabilities, the harder it might become to socialize and build connections, due to a fear of betrayal or judgment.
So, what do I suggest? Yes, men should read self-help books and research their problems. More importantly, I advocate for men to express their emotions in anonymous or semi-anonymous settings, such as Men’s Health Online Forums. On these forums, even if you use your real name, you’re interacting with people across the globe who likely don’t know you and are facing similar struggles. This creates a truly safe space for men to express their emotions, frustrations, and find solutions without risk.
By engaging with well-reviewed self-help books on life, career, health, relationships, emotions, and spirituality, men can greatly improve themselves. In the age of the internet, men can freely express themselves, discuss their insecurities, and seek solutions to their problems without the humiliation of feeling like they’re just paying someone to listen to their insecurities. Instead, they can work on fixing themselves through the wealth of resources available online.
Using men’s self-help forums avoids the risk of rumors about your insecurities, prevents friends and family from gossiping about you, and stops others from viewing your emotional vulnerabilities as weaknesses. It allows you to express your emotions without damaging how others view you in your day-to-day life.
This approach is not just about safety; it’s about effectiveness. It’s the best way to improve a man’s self-confidence, self-esteem, emotional maturity, and self-reliance.
If, after using these resources, a man still feels the need for help, then by all means, seeking therapy is the next step. But society should not push men into potentially harmful situations under the guise of openness. We need to recognize that the safest initial step for sharing emotions is in controlled, private environments where the risk of misuse of our insecurities is minimized.
I am speaking on behalf of every man who simply wants to navigate his emotional world safely and effectively. We want to share our emotions in environments that support our growth and healing, not in places that might inadvertently lead to more harm.
So, the next time you hear the advice that men need to be openly emotional with everyone about their insecurities, correct them with the effective approach: “I disagree, Men will benefit best from online Men’s Health Forums and Men’s Self-Help Books, and building some natural testosterone through exercising… But if that doesnt work a therpist won’t do any harm”
Thank you for taking the time to read my frustrations. Let’s advocate for methods that truly support men in their journey toward better emotional health.