Is This New Entrepreneurial Life Worth It?

Today, I woke up at 9:30AM.

I felt some guilt about that because today was a day to work (even though it’s a Sunday) and I knew I had the house to myself.

But I just couldn’t get straight to work because, on some level, that seemed unfair. I didn’t have time by myself just to chill for a long time, so I spent an hour playing video games and watching CraveTV.

And even then, I couldn’t get straight to work. I was stressing out about productivity. Thus, I made my way to the corner store and bought Miss Vickie’s Salt and Vinegar chips as well as Reese Peanut Butter cups.

Did I immediately regret it? Oh hell, yeah. However, I was stress eating. I needed just a momentary distraction.

Finally, I was in the office by myself. At this point, everything should have been peachy keen because I had no distractions. I mean none.

Try as I might, though, nothing was coming out. I was at my keyboard—and blank.

Soon enough, I get a phone call from my wife.

“I’m at McDonalds, is there anything you would like?” she asked.

“I’ll have an Angus burger and poutine,” I replied—getting regretful the moment those words exited my lips.

My wife came home. I grabbed the food, ate quickly, then returned back to my office. And there I was again—blank.

I knew this was the beginning of the week. I knew if I wanted to put my stamp on things with authority, I’d need to come up with something. And I couldn’t. Panic was setting in. The clock was ticking.

Finally, I had a few ideas, and it took me an entire hour to put something in my spreadsheet, then in Basecamp. The whole time through, I was second-guessing myself. Do I really want to do it that way?

I wasn’t sure. I’m never sure. How could you ever be sure when you’re starting a new business and your family’s well-being depends on it?

And is all of this worth it? These hours ticking away, trying to get work done, not seeing my two-year-old daughter—is it all worth it?

Then 7PM arrived. My wife left the house, and it was just my little girl and I—playing together. An hour later, I started spinning Band of Horses’ album Everything All The Time on vinyl. My daughter and I started dancing to the music.

Is it all worth it? Is anything worth it? There’s no way to know, and when you start a new venture, there’s always that matter of risk. You’re trading future bliss for genuine experiences that could be happening now.

But this is what I know. For a few spare hours, my little girl and I got to experience something fun and memorable and real. And I actually did get work done, even though it was making me anxious.